Learning and Loving

I can't keep up with your turning tables

2012-03-01T22:47:00.002-08:00

Blogtrack: Growing Up Breakdown by Me! featuring Bethany and Amanda

Just a little shameless self promotion, ha. This is from quite a while ago...3 years, I do believe. I have had the blessing of such wonderful people in my life.

Today marks the end of the normal week for me. Not for the homework week. That's a kind of constant thing, but whatever. I am working hard, and I am sure it will pay off.

I wish I could post like a normal human being blogger for you, reader, but I just can't. I guess in a way I don't have much to say at the end of the day, and I don't want to reflect on what has happened because I really don't want to over analyze things. Kind of one of my weaknesses as a woman and a perfectionist. But whatever.

In other news, it is far too late, and I am off to bed.

Best laid plans?

2012-02-24T21:36:00.002-08:00

Well I guess I spoke too soon. That or God heard my prayers and my family's prayers, and however it happened, I was able to make the journey home for the weekend. Em and Kels joined me, and we are proceeding to get into as much trouble as possible...I mean....we're going to have some fun this weekend for sure.

God just knew where I needed to be, I think. I love home.

Life wasn't made to be easy because we are meant to grow

2012-02-24T09:37:00.003-08:00

Okay. Straight up, yo. I'm so bummed that I'm not going home this weekend. Not to the point of tears, I guess, but that just might be because I've cried so much in the past week that I barely have any tears left to cry out. I'm writing this as I can feel something descending on me...not sure if this is just a normal headache or if I'm going to be able to test my migraine medicine. I'm not telling you this for you to feel bad for me or anything. But if you think of it, send up a prayer for me? I'm not having a good time of things.

But today, though I am hurting and disappointed, I claim the greatness of my God.

As the song says... God, give me grace to see beyond this moment here.

Check it out: The Greatness of Our God by Hillsong

"Give me eyes to see more of who You are

May what I behold still my anxious heart

Take what I have known and break it all apart

You, my God, are greater still

And no sky contains, no doubt restrains all You are

The greatness of our God

I spend my life to know, but I'm far from close to all You are

The greatness of our God

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here

To believe that there is nothing left to fear

And that You alone are high above it all

For You, my God, are greater still

And no sky contains, no doubt restrains all You are

The greatness of our God

I spend my life to know and I'm far from close to all You are

The greatness of our God

And there is nothing that could ever separate us

There is NOTHING that could ever separate us from Your love

No life, no death, of this I am convinced

That YOU my GOD are GREATER still

And no words could say or song convey all You are

The greatness of our God

I spend my life to know and I'm far from close to all You are

The greatness of our God"

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Lessons I'm Learning

2012-02-22T22:09:00.001-08:00

Song you should listen to because I'm betting it will bless you: Where I Belong by Cory Asbury

Here are some lyrics so you can read along with the song, yo. Seriously...it's worth your 6 minutes.

......

Your presence is all I'm longing for

Here in the secret place

Your nearness is all I'm waiting for

Here in the quiet place

Here in the secret place

My soul waits for You alone

Just like the watchmen wait for dawn

Here I've finally found the place

Where we'll meet love face to face

I've finally found where I belong

I've finally found where I belong, in Your presence

I've finally found where I belong, it's to be with You

I am my Beloved's and He is mine

So come into Your garden and take delight in me

Take delight in me

Delight in me

Here in Your presence, God, I find my rest

Here in Your presence, God

.....

"It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." -Psalm 18:32

photo credit: emily kozma

I like bright sneakers

2012-02-22T10:03:00.000-08:00

I realize that I haven't posted in far too long. I just don't even know what to say right now. Life is moving. It's slow and fast at the same time though I'm sure I will someday look back and think it moved entirely too quickly. I feel like Tuck Everlasting in a sense. Everything moving so slow, but I will turn around in a few days, a few weeks, a few years and wonder where the time has gone.

Today is a Wednesday which means that I can start to breathe a little bit class wise. And today I have photography which I usually enjoy. I'm actually off to that now.

Sorry this is a disappointing update, but there's really nothing to update on. I go to class, I do my homework, I eat, I sleep. I'm doing the normal thing, I guess. That's how it goes these days.

I'll miss the days we had

2012-02-06T19:40:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Winter Song by The Head and The Heart

I honestly don't really know what to write about right now. I'm having those sorts of days that pass without a ton of notice. No big, gamechanging wonderfulness is happening. I feel sort of contradictory, I guess. I'm completely sick of people. Annoyed to high heaven. But starved to be with people.

Maybe it's just night time getting to me. Last night, I couldn't sleep. I laid down, but I felt so overwhelmed. Got up, played some guitar, and went back to bed. But I still feel restless.

I need to make my peace with some stuff that's happening now. It hits harder at some moments than others. Most of the time, I think I'm fine. Sometimes I'm not.

Life is complicated right now. But I truly think I can choose to simplify it. Or at least I hope I can. More like...I hope God can. Because I just can't handle this life all by myself.

PSA: Hipster alert

2012-01-30T17:52:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap

Mom... Dad... I know you don't really understand what a Christian hipster is, but... apparently I'm turning into one. Kels pretty much challenged me to take the hipster quiz again so I did.

And this time... 66/120. I'm 55% hipster now. 10 points higher than not even two months ago. Yikes!

Watch out world. Soon I'm going to be a coffee snob, have big glasses I don't need, and I won't be showering any longer...

I maaaay have cried after finding out my new percentage. Completely unrelated.

One year changes.

2012-01-30T12:21:00.000-08:00

No blogtrack. I hope that you are somewhere quiet to read this. Because silence is really important when living a life transformed by grace. I know today is the 30th, but I have to tell you about something that happened on the 28th. I had my one year anniversary of heart transformation. I literally saw, literally FELT God change me. In a spiritual way. An emotional way. Even a physical way. I felt the weight lift off of my chest. If you want to read about that, here's a link to my post: A little bit of meat and a lotta bit of potatoes
God did a miracle. I didn't even know I needed one, but He did. And He made it happen.
And if it wasn't enough to give me back the joy that was missing, He made something cool happen. On January 28, 2010, my mom and some other moms who pray for their kids together at Moms in Touch prayed that I would give myself permission to be happy, permission to truly live. And on January 28, 2011, I let go and let God. And now, on January 28, 2012, I still stand as a life transformed by love. There has been a lot going on in my life the past couple of months (I'll post about that later, probably.), but through it all, my God remains the God who comforts, reveals, hears, sees, and knows. The God of faithfulness, holiness, justice, and mercy. The God who grants life... and not just life; LIFE ABUNDANT.
Okay. Now you can go give this a listen: Less Like Scars by Sara Groves
The other day I was playing piano for my mom and singing through some stuff I hadn't touched in years. I started singing Holy by Nichole Nordeman. Here's some of the lyrics....
"How many deaths did I die before I was awakened to new life in you?...What was meant to illuminate only shadowed me still. And all you ever wanted...Only me, on my knees singing holy, holy. And somehow all that matters now is You are HOLY." Amen.
This is the life transformed: All that matters now is the holiness of my Savior.

Get excited, people!

2012-01-29T21:29:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Start at Something New from High School Musical

Em and I are excited to present to you OUR NEW PHOTOGRAPHY WEBSITE!!: Britany and Emily Photography! Found here: britanyandemilyphotography.weebly.com

We both have had a passion for photography for years and have worked together to get better and better at it. Have a looksee and if you like what you find, share it with your friends! We would love to photograph you. Let me know or email us via the contact page, and we will set something up!

Anyways, I just got done editing maternity pictures for Chad and Bridgette. Click here to view their photo session!

Enjoy the pictures, and share the love. =]

Also, from now on, official photo shoot posts will be posted at Em's and my new blog: britanyandemilyphotography.blogspot.com

Feel free to look us up and follow us there!!

b is so cool like.

2012-01-26T12:22:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Sail by Awolnation

Today is a drizzly day. Therefore a song that makes me feel like it is raining. I have no idea why, but it feels like a rainy day song.

Hmm. So nothing really has happened. I'm at school. First class out of the way (Chambers), and my second one begins in half an hour (Choir). No classes tomorrow which is sweet music because I'm still not all the way moved in. Erm, yeah.

Last night I dreamed that I got the most wonderful hipster hat ever. It was light tan and hung off the back of my head in a particularly great slouchy way. Like a hipster.

I guess I don't have any other bits of exciting news. I made a calendar for choir devos in a crafty way. Not really, I just used markers and construction paper. Tomorrow is a Em and B day. Who knows what we shall stir up. And Steph and I are going to have a magnificent Saturday night. For shore. Alright. Off to the singing station.

(IwishIhadcutecombatstylebootslikeCourtneyfordaysliketoday.Thatwouldbeslick.)

Kimchi and Bruce Campbell

2012-01-22T22:41:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Middle Distance Runner by Sea Wolf

So Em and I are sitting here after watching some of the Eat Your Kimchi archives. If you like goofy people and you're semi geeky like us, you may enjoy this Canadian couple who live in Korea and make videos about Korean things. Em is looking up Bruce Campbell stuff, I think. And I'm listening to Sea Wolf.

Our cake didn't turn out that bad. The top layer of white cake made up for the bottom layer of yellow cake that I forgot to put water in.

What else.. hmm. Em and I went skating at the park today. Just the two of us on the ice. It's nice to know that I can still do it though going backward was as much a fail as ever.

Also, something that I never really thought about how much I appreciate it: the Oxford comma. If you don't know what it is, look it up. A small portion of the world doesn't think it's too much mayo and actually still uses it, which I honestly think is to their advantage.

And now for something fun from yesterday....

Peace out.

MI my MI.

2012-01-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Reckless Kids (Bezhang Mashup) by MGMT & Crystal Castles

I'm home! And happy. =]

Some great things... 1. My family. I love being with my family. 2. Good neurologist appointment. I'm apparently doing better. Woot! 3. Mrs. Koz is at my house for a bit. Cha-chang. 4. Em and I have been reading Catching Fire (Book 2 of the Hunger Games) together. I just finished and she's on page 238. We're cool. See below.

So yup. There's that. We also made a cake tonight. It turned out...interesting. (Interesting is a misleading way of saying...bad. Ha.)

Anyways, there's an elephant in the room which is the pending decision of going back to school or remaining at home. Honestly, right now I have no idea which way the pendulum will end up swinging.

Today Em and I did pictures with Bridgette and Chad. Tomorrow we're supposed to do some of Court, Em, and me alone, and then Court will do some of Em and me together. I do enjoy photoshoots. And I think part of it will be photos on ice. Cha-chang. I feel kind of crazy right now. Teehee. Until next time...

This is a test.

2012-01-18T01:48:00.000-08:00

Here I am, trying to see if I can correctly embed videos. Go me.

I have some new ideas for Em's and my photography. Stay tuned.

I'll be home in a little while

2012-01-17T23:20:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Home by Mumford & Sons

I've been on a Mumford sort of kick for the past little while. They have such quality music, it's ridiculous. Another Mumfordesque band I am enjoying right now is Sunshine and the Starlings. I found their stuff on Youtube, and while the quality of the vocals isn't the best, you get the idea with the instrumental how good the song is. I love their spins on classic hymns. Maybe I can somewhat duplicate it for a service sometime.

So anyways, I am almost to the end of my time in Colorado. Tomorrow is my last day here, and I travel home on Thursday. Tomorrow I think we might go to Garden of the Gods or something, who knows. Then I get to cook cheesy potato soup (my favorite!) for everyone, and then we're going to go see The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Hopefully it's a good one.

Hmm. What else? Mom, be proud of me. I already packed my bags today. Yeah. Me. Packing ahead of time. Impressive, right? Anyways, I hear Michigan looks (and feels) a little different than when I left. I do like the milder temperatures here, but I am kind of excited for a rad amount of snow. =]

Grandma and I had a Kindle lesson tonight. First we talked over a diagram of the Kindle, then I showed her how to do it, then I had her do it herself, then I had her start reading a short story. Explain, model, guided practice, independent practice.... just like I do it in my lesson plans. Who would have ever thought I would be using what I learn in college to teach my grandmother how to use technology. Tomorrow we do a review lesson. I think she at least got the hang of turning it on and off, using the homepage button, and going to the next page. There are a couple of key elements I think might be missing, but it was better than it could have been. At least she's a willing student, haha.

Well, that's all the news in this corner of the world. At least, all the news I can think of. Peas.

Life makes love look hard

2012-01-15T18:12:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Ours by Taylor Swift

So. Today was Sunday, and I got to go to Aunt Judy and Grandma's church. Afterward we did lunch at Panera, and Grandma really enjoyed the broccoli cheddar soup in spite of the fact that she "didn't used to be a soup person." It's my favorite soup there so I was glad she liked it.

I've been rewatching the first season of Criminal Minds. Seems like it was just a little bit ago when I was watching it premiere in high school. While in fact, it came on in 2005: seven years ago! I seriously love this show. Mostly because of Dr. Reid, but still. I think the behavior analysis part of the show is really interesting. Maybe because it reminds me of analyzing behavior for classes? Probably. It's kind of the same thing... Figuring out what motivates behavior. The good part about my job is that I problem solve to figure out how to modify and regulate behavior. Yeah, sometimes I still get excited about it even though I'm not sure special education is the career I will end up pursuing. I like middle schoolers, though. And they usually like me. We'll see where I go...

Hmm, what else? Well, I cut my hair. It's maybe an inch shorter (I didn't want to lose the length after waiting for it to grow for a year), but the biggest change is that I have bangs. Like straight across bangs all Zooey Deschannel style. If you haven't seen it yet, here it is done up all curly...

Not sure if I'm really pulling it off, but it stays for awhile. I'm glad that I didn't have to take much off the length of it because I really am enjoying longer hair for once. Usually I get tired of it quick and chop it off, but I'm sticking it out this time. =]

Last thought, I'm really enjoying 2 Thessalonians 3:5 right now. It's my daily prayer. It is what I confidently hope for this year. I think it might become my motto for missional living.

And here it is...

"May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ." -2 Thessalonians 3:5

It'll be sun, sun, sun

2012-01-11T22:07:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Five Years Time by Noah And The Whale

So, some things you may or may not know about me....

1. Fact: I love Disney shows. Specifically Good Luck Charlie, Austin & Ally, Wizards of Waverly Place, Shake It Up, and The Suite Life (Original OR On Deck). Or Disney like shows... iCarly, for instance. I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't have to concentrate on it to enjoy it. Maybe it's because there are a lot of subtle points of humor. Well, whatever it is, I love 'em.

2. The majority of my jeans are Levi's. I like the fit, the quality, the feel of the material. I just really like Levi's. If I could, I would probably only buy Levi's jeans. And let me tell you, I love jeans. I am rarely caught in any other kind of pants. Of course, when I told one of my friends that I was rarely caught dead in sweat pants, a couple of days later he saw me wearing them. (I was only wearing them to match two of my roomies....) But seriously, I love jeans more than any other piece of clothing.

3. I cannot stand chewing noises. At all. They drive me up a wall. Maybe not even eating noises... just like... mouth noises. Smacking lips and crunching and all that. I just hate mouth noise. If I get up and move away from you while you are eating, I'm sorry. I just legitimately cannot handle it. You are probably chewing like a completely normal person, I just am a weirdy who can't sit next to people who make mouth noises. Yup.

Well, if you already knew this about me... Good job. If you didn't, now you do.

Feel free to post random questions in the comments, and I'll answer them. (If they aren't too out there...)

"You don't mess with Jeremiah Johnson." -Uncle Eric

2012-01-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Theme song from Jeremiah Johnson (We watched that tonight. Yup. Koz would be proud. I mostly listened to the movie instead of watching, haha)

Okay, everyone. We're going on a "Keys for Kids" sort of ride today, I think. Kind of a reminder for myself when I someday read through this blog... Well anyways, today I was watching Grandma cut up an apple. I watched her hands closely. I was a little afraid to watch her use a knife; it made me rather nervous. I knew it took a bit of effort for her to slice the apple in half, and I didn't want her to hurt herself. But I watched silently. Her hands were not very strong, but in her slowed movements, I could see the traces of quieting skill. The way she moved the knife, the way she held the apple. It all betrayed old habit. Grandma knows her way around a paring knife. Someday I will be there. I'll be the one with the knife in my hand, and it won't cut quite the same predictable way that I have always known it to. I wonder if I will recognize that it is not the knife, but in fact, it is me. I wonder if my hands will still know how to play favorite songs on the piano. Will "Ashoken Farewell" flow from my fingers as it does now? It isn't easy to see someone you love growing older and losing pieces of what have always made them, them. New things become them, I guess. There are some things that don't change, though. You still love them like crazy. And memories look even more beautiful. I want to remember how things are now. I want these pictures. I want this time. Maybe that's my "key." Live the time you are given. No matter what you do or don't do, the decisions you make or put off making.... do that all with passion. Do it honestly. "Girl, do you." I know that sometimes you don't think you even know who you are or where you fit or why anything is happening the way it is. But in those moments, I KNOW you know who to look to to be reminded of your true identity: beloved child of God. Everything about your life can and will change. But one thing remains. You have a steadfast and faithful Father who has promised not to leave you or forsake you. Follow the example that Grandma Miller and Grandma Druber have set; let Him lead you in this dance, and don't be afraid to try.

I guess there's a lot going on in my brain, but I really don't know what else to write. I had something, but I forgot. Isn't that typical? ;)

Until next time...

Happy Colorado Day!

2012-01-06T15:53:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Air Catcher by Twenty One Pilots

Heyo. Salutations from Colorado Springs! I'm here and safe. Best news of this all: No headaches yet. No nausea. I feel so good right now. I mean, it might not last, but I am so thankful right now. A day like this makes me hopeful that more days like this will come more consistently.

Today Grandma and I have looked at pictures, and I've worked on homework and such. Tonight we're doing supper and a movie. =]

I love visiting my family. They're the greatest. For real.

We party rock.

2011-12-31T22:33:00.000-08:00

Now normally I am not the type of person to make resolutions. No, indeedy. This year, though, I thought I might try my hand at a "Kelsey like Inventory" of the past year. (Kels...please understand the pun I just made...) Yes, Kels has so inspired me that I will try to do a countdown of the past year. So here it is. 2011 in review.

January:

Our family's New Years Day activity. Thank goodness this year January 1st is a Sunday!

We're boss. This is after a run out to UHall.

E and me sporting our GC SWAG post Frostbite weekend.

Other noteable January happenings...

-Kelsey, Bean, and I had Core 300 together from Professor Widstrom. Loved her, liked the class, hated the homework. Kelsey and I became very creative with out homework motivation.

-Roadtrip to my house with Kels, Aaron, and Matt. Aaron experienced 20 below for the first time, and we screened Pointman. Favorite quote of the weekend: "I just want to write THUG LIFE on my chest and dance around." -Matt

-Aaron and I became really close friends and hit up Coldstone a lot

-Went to Greenville for the second time in my life (first being choir tour) and helped Oliver at Frostbite. God did work in my heart and turning my mourning into dancing. You can find the full post about that here

-Lost my iPod and was totally bummed about that fact

Favorite January song: Where The Spirit of the Lord Is by Chris Tomlin and Christy Nockels

February:

E and I dressed up for the Super Bowl. Go Packers!!

Other noteable February happenings...

Like Kelsey, I find myself struggling to remember really anything from February.

-Lots of ESL homework. Because of ESL class I started going to Hispanic Family Literacy Nights

-Watched a lot of basketball especially Kansas State

-It was ridiculously warm so we threw around a softball and Oliver even taught me to throw a football

-Scottie visited for a weekend

-Got my cartilage pierced

-Helped Kels become addicted to The Bachelor

Favorite February song: Violet Hill by Coldplay

March:

When our lights fall down, it's only logical that I would get on Kelsey's shoulders to fix them, right?

Watching Duke lose. Great night in basketball, folks.

Best Spring Break ever!! With Koz in Breckenridge, Colorado.

Noteable March happenings...

-Roadtrip home with Kelsey, Oliver, and Aaron for Aaron's birthday! Our family gave him two jars of applesauce, and he was floored.

-Spring break trip to Greenville/Colorado Springs to see Grandma, Aunt Judy, and Uncle Eric. Jamie and I fed giraffes. Went to the St. Louis Zoo with Dischy. Saw Hollyn in Annie.

-Came in 2nd in our March Madness brackets. Like a boss.

-RaeLee came to visit!!

-I dyed my hair WAAAAAAY too red.

-A bunch of us (Bean, Emily, E, Kels, Marissa, and I) all got matching Bar Mitzvah shirts and wore them together to DEEPER

-Delta 2 besties plus a couple dressed in plaid and went to Olive Garden for Kels's birthday. Proved a bit awkward for Lauren.. "Guys! The tip's included!!"

Favorite March song: Bad Company by Five Finger Death Punch

April:

Happy Kels and B with an interesting painting of Jesus

We maaaay have dressed like this to go to Meijer with Oliver. What of it?

April highlights:

-Roadtrip home with Bowman

-Drank a Kona Blend Java Monster and bounced off the walls like a crazy person. Never again.

-Took the hipster quiz and found out that I am only slightly hipster

-Oliver and I bought a pizza then tried to use the box as a sled on Mt. Beebe. (It was a fail.)

-Played with Kels, Liv, Wes, and CB for a youth retreat. Kelsey and I had epic adventures in the church. Epic.

Favorite April song: Take Heart by Hillsong

May:

Oliver and Aaron helped bake Republican Cake.

Court and I on a sister photo shoot after getting Mio Pizza

Best friends at the river after watching the last of our group graduate. Congrats, Yoder!

American Girl Place where Em and I bought a poster for the Summer Cottage

Noteable May happenings:

-Osama Bin Laden was killed which sparked a lot of talk around the country and our campus. It was a hard bit of time to live through as a pacifist. While many people were partying in triumph, I did not know how to feel and honestly, I was ashamed of the riots that took place in celebration

-Did Emily and Koz's engagement pictures. Em and I had some good times picking out clothes (cheebah print) and starting to plan out where they wanted to have them

-Baked a Republican cake with Aaron, Oliver, and Em. Go America.

-Lauren, Scooter, Kels, me, Aaron, and Oliver went to Ann Arbor and hit up BDubs, Bubble Island, and Pinball Petes as an end of the year huzzah

-Em and I sidewalk chalked the bike trail and she roadtripped home with me at the end of the year

-Photoshoot with Courtney and the first swim of the summer at Perry Lake (it was sooo cold)

-Mom and I had a mommy-daughter day in Gaylord

-Yoder graduated high school and our friend group caught up

-Moved into the Summer Cottage with Em and started prepping for Durley and playing Pirates all night

Favorite May tune: All These Things That I've Done by The Killers

June:

Kels came to the Summer Cottage for a sleepover!

Aaron and I at my second Cardinals game!

Noteable June happenings:

-Survived the 7 1/2 hour drive to Greenville and met up with Oliver and Marc's Wellspring team at Durley Family Camp

-Started working at Durley Youth Camp as the Worship Director and fell in love with the camp, staff, and campers

-Rushville Day Camp with Hannah and Aaron

-First Cardinals game (first pro sporting event) with Aaron

-Second Cardinals game with SAU kids (Sarah, Ashley, Kristin, and Dischy)

Favorite June song: Glory to God Forever by Steve Fee

July:

My 21st birthday! Celebrating with Durley friends who made the day so special!

Owen, my new summer bestie, and me on my birthday

Celebrating Jamie and my birthdays at Build-A-Bear and a sleepover at Kat's house in Indy

Liv and I at Covenant Hills Campground

Noteable July happenings:

-Owen and I became close friends. Jace came home and surprised him with a visit from Eean with help from me and Aaron. So..officially met Eean.

-Awesome birthday surprises from Jamie and Kat and other Durley staffers. Love them all.

-Birthday lunch with the Disch family. They were so great to me while I was in Illinois.

-Aaron, Logan, Elle, and I went to Springfield Muni to see Owen and Mr. Beans in Guys and Dolls

-Went tubing on Bond Lake with the Barbers (big accomplishment for me) and fun camping with Ben, Josh, Jamie, Megs, Kat, Steph, and Disch at Jamie's pond

-Oliver visits home and helps me out with morning worship (great accidental birthday present)

-Led worship with Colleen at Surrender Women's Retreat at Camp Michi-Lu-Ca

-Worked at Covenant Hills Campground for Reeco's week as Kels's band member, Liv's activity staff helper, and an Aquatic Observer at the waterfront. Got a killer tan.

-Moved back to the Summer Cottage with Em

Favorite July tune: Junebug by Robert Francis

August:

Em, Jamie, me, and Steph at Springfield Muni to see The Wizard of Oz

Marc, E, me, and Kels at the Summer Cottage

Em and me. Hardcore night at the Summer Cottage.

Noteable August happenings:

-Roadtripped home for the Relief Sale with Em

-Oliver and I baked yummy brownies for Marc's birthday and we went to Cascades to see the lights, then watched She's the Man. Well...I watched while the boys fell asleep...

-Oliver, Em, and I went on a roadtrip to Greenville. Em and I stayed with Jamie, and she got to meet a lot of my friends including the Disch family, the Beans family, Steph, Jace, Josh Morgan, Alex, Peter, Ben, Ashley, Chelsie, Jake Gouge, etc. We had so much fun going to Mario's, seeing Owen as a dancing crow in the Wizard of Oz, and spending an afternoon at Jamie's pond.

-On our way back from Greenville, Em and I attended the wedding of Luke and Rachelle Spence

-I lost my job at the campus bookstore, but gained a very part time job at the music building

-Marc and I visited Kyle Anderson and Morgan Duncan at Somerset Beach Campground

-Ben Kono and I baked my first St. Louis Gooey Butter Cake and a pizza for supper

-Em and I had lots of good times at Vandercook Lake and the Summer Cottage

Favorite August tune: Electric Feel by MGMT

September:

Family coffee time! Home for Labor Day weekend.

Oliver and I at Glass Bowl Stadium in Toledo, OH

Noteable September happenings:

-Moved into Apartment A1 and started up school!

-Owen and Oliver's 20th birthdays....we made birthday brownies.

-Kels remastered her music which you can download for free here

-First football game ever with Oliver and Aaron. It was Boise State University at University of Toledo. Afterward we hit up BDubs in Ann Arbor to celebrate the Broncos win.

-Tigers game with Hughey, Bean, Kels, and other Apartments residents

-4 years since losing a dear friend. You met me between my breaking. We've already won. Death has no chance.

-Zoe had puppies!!

-Cardinals won the wildcard into the playoffs over the Braves

Favorite September tune: Walking On A Dream by Empire of the Sun

October:

Court and I were pitted against each other for the World Series. Rangers vs. Cards.

Me, Aaron, Oliver, Marc, Kyle, and Stephanie in Ann Arbor

When Cards fans fall asleep in my apartment...

Noteable October happenings:

-World Series win for the Cardinals

-Started having rib pain again

-Became especially close friends with Stephanie

-Went to Ann Arbor with Marc, Kyle, Oliver, Aaron and Stephanie. Got BDubs, Pinball Pete's, frozen yogurt, and Bubble Island

-Home for Fall Break which was the best. Named our puppies! Dexter, Tote, Tucker, Kaleb, Nola, Pippa, and Jacoby!

-God taught me a lot about myself and my friendships. Things changed, and that was hard, but it was also very good. I came to understand grace and love in a different way

Favorite October song: Life is Beautiful by Vega 4

November:

Court and me with Nola and Pippa

Getting ready at the Summer Cottage for Em's wedding

Phantom of the Opera at Walled Lake Western

Noteable November happenings:

-Bachelorette type shower for Em at our apartment

-Em's grandma passed away two weeks before her wedding...life can be so rough sometimes but yet we say Blessed be the name of the Lord

-Em and Koz got married!!

-Some changing relationships took interesting turns

-Took Jacoby with me downstate and delivered him to Steph's house

-Melissa and I visited Kyle at Calvin College

-Saw Phantom of the Opera with Kyle, Eric, and E then later that same night did a BDubs run with Em, Koz, Oliver, Aaron, and Kelsey right before Koz had to leave for Afghanistan

-Muscle spasms got a lot worse in my ribs

-Decorated our LIVE Christmas tree at the apartment

Favorite November song: Savior by Rise Against

December:

Kels and I hanging out Christmas ornament garland

Some of our Christmas party attendees

Noteable December happenings:

-Sang with FHS choir at the Fairview VIP sale

-Christmas party!

-The last puppies were driven downstate to their new owners

-My ribs/headaches/cold (which turned out to be a sinus infection) got a lot lot worse and actually forced me to leave school early

-My family came to visit for Hanging of the Greens and the day after! Christmas shopping and making dinner for them ensued

-Sang Kyle's Christmas carol at Christmas chapel with the Chamber Singers

-Pulled an all nighter with Kels

-Officially diagnosed with a sinus infection, overworked diaphragm, and migraines

-Courtney turned 18 (ah!)

-Courtney's choir concert and watching her sign...plus a lot of work going into Christmas Eve service

-Lots of concentration on getting better

Favorite December song: Crossfire by Brandon Flowers

And now for my top Facebook statuses. (You made me very curious to see mine, Kels)

10. "The Saint Louis Cubs." -Disch... Best misspeak ever.

9. I smell bad...must have been at camp for a week!

8. That flash of plaid whizzing past you on the street? Oh, that's just a hipster on a bicycle...

7. There is a God who loves me. Who wraps me in His arms.

6. Oh, hey 6 a.m. Didn't see you coming...PSYCH. Yeah, I did. Bazinga. Glad that Kelsey is here to experience this morning with me.

5. I seriously live in the most beautiful country. From the white pine forests to the shining waters, God did real good.

4. Last voice lesson. Hope it ends on a good note. Literally, ha.

3. All of our puppies have homes! Praise the Lord. =]

2. Playing Catchphrase with my Grandma. It's her turn... Grandma: It's something really good...to drink. Dad: Does it taste sweet? Grandma: I don't know. I've never had it. The answer was beer. A drink that's really good, but she's never had it... Oh Grandma.

1. C.S. Lewis tidbit of the morning: "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

And now it's 2012. Who knows what is in store for us? Life has its ups and downs. But I maintain as I said almost a year ago...I know sorrow. But I also know joy. And I expect joy.

Happy New Year, folks.

Snapshot

2011-12-29T23:07:00.000-08:00

I'm tiring of feeling sick.

And my fingers are itching for a photoshoot or two. I have a couple coming up. That might satisfy my cravings.

Time spent with Uncle Lloyd's family was good. Avery informed me that she and I are best friends. I'm not going to argue. =]

God with us.

2011-12-27T13:51:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Merry Christmas Baby by Otis Redding Mom kind of makes fun of me for liking this, but whatever, haha. It's still good in my book.

Twas a good Christmas. We started out with church in the morning. Courtney and I signed to Joy to the World by Casting Crowns. The service was really, really good. Virgil spoke and it so reminded me of his messages from when I was a kid. He had a lot of really good things to say. The most resounding thing was that God came to be with us. No matter the circumstance, no matter the trial. EVEN THERE, He is God with us. SO so good. Seriously, if you're around Fairview and weren't there, go get the video tape from the church library. It is exactly what every person needs to hear.

When we got back from church we had a bit of hang time while Grandma took a nap so Courtney and I went and took some pictures...

After a nap, we ate....

We toasted with grape juice that Grandma and Grandpa Druber had made a LOOOOONG time ago. It was quite...um...zippy, shall we say? Grandma thought it was a bit strong and laughed and coughed quite a bit. I told Mom I was almost breaking the concept by drinking it....

It was really sweet. And good. But I'm not sure I'll drink it again. haha

Then we moved to opening presents. Grandma got one with a red bow on top and promptly stuck it on her head. I love that woman.
Courtney got a turtle pillow pet, and I got a giraffe pillow pet...
It was a good Christmas day in spite of the pain that followed on Monday. I do love Christmas.

Monday hit with more headaches and nasty. I go back to the doctor tomorrow so pray that I get some good news.

Oh! I forgot! The biggest news of what I got for Christmas is that I got a plane ticket to Colorado to see Grandma, Aunt Judy, and Uncle Eric! I leave January 5th and get to stay for 2 weeks! PUMPED.

I just want to fly into this beautiful life

2011-12-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Northern Lights by Cider Sky

Well, it's officially Christmas. But for the sake of this blog, we're going to say it's still Christmas Eve since I haven't slept and woken up to Christmas morning yet. Hopefully this time I can sleep better than last year when I had to watch Mr. Bean to try to fall asleep!

Today was a pretty good day. Health wise it was a bit of a backslide, and tonight officially begins my month of vocal rest. Other than that, it was a good, good family day. We went to see Frank like we do every Christmas, and he, of course, provided much entertainment as well as insight. We heard things ranging from "Any day my bowels move is a good day," to "It's just a mild case of rigor mortise..." to "Deterioration is followed by decomposition." The classic...."Binge! Binge and purge." and "Lie, cheat, and steal." came out. (You should know that Frank is kidding. I think.) On a more serious note, we were talking about pointing fingers at others when Frank remarked, "...the liability may be within." So true. How quick we are to judge, but how slow we are to take a good look at ourselves. Later we were talking about the pursuit of truth. How it is a constant thing. You can never find complete truth; you always want more of it. He said it is the same with God. We want to find His will, and we say these things like "Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done" (TOUGH statements to live up to.) but we do not realize that "we live in a constant coming of the Kingdom." Beautiful.

Our evening was spent at church helping with the Christmas Eve Candlelighting service. Courtney sang "I Celebrate the Day" accompanied by Colleen, Mom, and I, and Colleen and I sang "Hallelujah! Light Has Come" while Courtney signed. Tomorrow, Courtney and I will sign to "Joy to the World" for Sunday morning service.

So yup. Here's some pictures from after Candlelighting tonight. Merry Christmas [Eve].

Merry Christmas from the Millers!

Yo yo, it's Christmas Adam

2011-12-23T13:12:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Court and I have had this stuck in our heads all day. So good. Crossfire by Brandon Flowers Or check out this song that's going to be featured on the Hunger Games soundtrack: Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift ft. The Civil Wars

Court and I have spent this day making merry. We strung up Christmas lights all around our house and then headed outside for a wintery photoshoot. I just can't resist adding a sample smattering of our photos. We had a very good afternoon. I'm glad I have someone as cool as Courtney for a sister. =]

Merry Christmas?

Not much snow here, but it is pretty =]

She was glad when she got to put her coat back on and be warm.

Tonight will probably be a most excellent night. Because tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and we'll be making Christmas Eve cheese soup before candlelighting, we are having pizza night tonight. (Always a good idea for a pizza night in my book.)

Court and I have a lot going on with stuff for church, but we're pretty excited to make this an epic Christmas as always. Maybe more posts will be headed your way.

Until then, Merry Christmas Adam!

Let it snow

2011-12-15T19:00:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow by Frank Sinatra
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQzlJRjXSGY

Courtney is getting her birthday wish right now. It's starting to snow.

I'm at home early from school. This is the basic update for all of you who wonder what's going on.

I've been having really terrible headaches and such. I've been to the doctor and chiropractor now. Apparently I have a sinus infection so that's getting treated and later we'll look into my migraines. Tomorrow I go back to the chiropractor.

Hopefully we get things all straightened out.

Tomorrow Courtney turns 18. That should be exciting. =] Pictures to come!

Updated: If you really knew me...

2011-12-10T23:38:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Young Folks by Peter, Bjorn and John (I'm trying a new way of linking things. Bear with me.)

So in April I took a quiz to see if I was a Christian Hipster. You can find my original post on the subject here. Originally I scored a 43% which is about a 51/120. I took it again to see if I am less or more hipster after living this much longer, and the answer is I am MORE hipster. This time I got a 47% with a 56/120. Getting more hipster by the month. (But don't worry, I'm not a hipster.) In spite of the fact that I own this....and this...
Kels and I still haven't found 3 wolf or 3 fox shirts. (Christmas, anyone?)

Anyways, this is also a throwback that I did almost a year ago. Let's see what's changed! (New answers will be italicized or something.

100 Truths about me

1. Real name = Britany

2. Nickname = B, Brit, Britters, Britsters, Brita

3. Zodiac sign = bah..don’t remember. Maybe Cancer? yeah...still don't remember.

4. Male or female = Female

5. Elementary School = Fairview Area Schools

6. Middle School = see 5

7. High School= see 5, 6

8. Hair color= Brunette

9. tall or short = short

11. Sweats or Jeans = jeans all the way baby i could never betray my jeans.

12. Phone or Camera = whew..my camera. I miss that. camera! i have that again!

13. Health freak = nope

14. Orange or Apple = Apple

15. Do you have a crush on someone = duh define crush.

16. Eat or Drink = wow. Drink…juice. always juice. today it is peach mango v8.

17. Piercings = ears and now cartilage, too.

18. Pepsi or Coke = Pepsi…they make mt. dew! right on, 2o year old b.

HAVE YOU EVER?

19. Been in an airplane = Yes

20. Been in a relationship = yup

21. Been in a car accident = bus, actually

22. Been in a fist fight = nada still haven't fought. probably because of the pacifism thing.

FIRSTS

23. First piercing = Ears

24. First best friend = Kayci, Alora, or Britney

25. First award = wow, no idea…probably an art or school award…

26. First crush = Maybe Chad? haha

27. First word = teddy

LASTS

29. Last person you talked to in person = Colleen Tammera

30. Last person you texted = Marc Oliver

31. Last person you watched a movie with = Colleen and CJ Mom, Dad, Courtney. We watched part of Top Gun today.

32. Last food you ate = Zebra cakes! Marzetti. That i made myself. It was good.

33. Last movie you watched = 17 Again Top Gun

34. Last song you listened to = Telephone At Your Name by Phil Wickham (Check it out. I love it.)

35. Last thing you bought = mt. dew and zebra cakes Christmas wrapping paper!

36. Last person you hugged = Colleen Dad

FAVE:

37. Foods = Pastas! Potatoes! If I had to choose just one, Mom's lasagna.

38. Drinks = juice, mt. dew

39. Bottoms/Jeans = skinny jeans for sure.

40. Flower = gerber daisies and xenias.

41. Animal= horses

42. Colors= blue

43. Movies = wow…too many to list.

44. Subjects = music. Stuff about people….

(Put an X in the brackets if yes)

45. [X] fallen in love with someone

46. [x] celebrated Halloween

47. [x] had your heart broken

48. [X] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone

49. [] had someone question my sexual orientation Kelsey.....

51. [x] went to a party-

52. [] had an abortion

53. [X] did something I regret(ted)

54. [x] broke a promise

55. [x] hid a secret

56. [x] pretended to be happy

57. [x] met someone who changed your life

58. [X] pretended to be sick.

59. [X] left the country

60. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it

61. [x] cried over the silliest thing

62. [X] ran a mile

63. [x] went to the beach with your best friend

64. [x] got into an argument with your friends

65. [] hated someone

66. [x] stayed single for a whole year, or dated someone for a whole year.

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating = Nothing

68. Drinking = Nothing THe aforementioned peach mango juice.

69. Listening to = the furnace Wow. the furnace. That's weird.

71. Plans for today = go to bed, get up, breakfast, ?, MSU/penn state game!!!, ?, supper, ? day of questions… Groceries, lunch with Oliver, who knows what, homework, Christmas party!, cookie making, etc.

72. Waiting = if only I could explain… I think I'm still waiting for the same thing. probly.

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids? = If God wills

74. Want to get married? = Yeah, again…if God wills

75. Careers in mind = Special Education teacher, Music therapist…who knows! Sky is the limit. I'm thinking more like...worship leader/disability advocate/community and disability liason for a church. I really want to work in ministry.

WHICH IS BETTER IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?:

76. Lips or eyes = Eyes, but I’d really like it if he had both body parts

77. Shorter or taller = taller. Shorter was weird.

78. Romantic or spontaneous = Doesn’t matter. A woman can live with anything if she loves it ;)

79. Nice stomach or nice arms? = I’m not picky…both is always nice.

81. Hook-up or relationship? = Relationship. No, no. I do not hook up whoa, I go slow

82. Looks or personality? = Personality. Though I’m not so naïve as to say looks don’t matter.

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts = Nope..never had them.

84. Snuck out of a house = Yup

85. Held a gun/knife for self defense = nope B. You have a gun. Whaddya do?

86. Killed somebody =Duh No

87. Broken someone's heart = Probably…unfortunately. L

88. Been in love = Yes. I’m pretty confident I have.

89. Cried when someone died = Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself = for the most part

91. Miracles = YES

92. Love at first sight = No.

93. Heaven = Definitely.

94. Santa Clause= Nope.

95. Sex on the first date = Yeah right.

96. Kiss on the first date = I don’t know…

TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yeah

98. Do you know who your real friends are? I think so

99. Do you believe in God? YES

100. Post as 100 truths!- I am…via blog. Another 100 truths. Well, an updated 100 truths. Most things hold true. Am I boring? Hope not. :P

To all a goooooodnight.

A small bit of info

2011-12-10T21:02:00.000-08:00

Well, I survived Thursday. But now I feel like I'm barely hanging on.

My family came down for Hanging of the Greens and stayed for today. Which was really good.

I took some pictures of our Christmas decor...

I do love me some Christmas decorations.

I don't feel terribly hot right now. 'Bed' has a nice ring to it, I guess.

Every day I'm shuffling

2011-12-08T05:21:00.000-08:00

Well...that was pretty much an all nighter. But thankfully the only one I had to pull this semester. And lots of stuff is done.

Now to just survive today...

Coming up...

Completed Blackboard shell

UDL Case Study

Technology Portfolio

Class Wiki

Yanamamo paper

Philosophy exam

Yeah....It's so on.

2011-12-06T22:23:00.000-08:00

It's nice to see things disappear off the list. Even in one night, I can make a dent. Tomorrow's dent will be even greater.

Still on the docket...

Completed Blackboard shell

UDL Case Study

Technology Portfolio

Class Wiki

Intervention plan

Classroom Observation Strategies paper

Yanamamo paper

Philosophy exam

Dance, puppet.

2011-12-06T18:40:00.000-08:00

And so the end begins.

It's Tuesday right now. Which means that we have 9 more days until we go on Christmas break. I'm about halfway through the homework I have scheduled for tonight. And there is so much more to go this week. But honestly, once I hit Thursday, I'm almost home free.

I just keep telling myself, "Dude, B. You got this." Yup. I got it. One day at a time.

I think I'm going to do what Kelsey sometimes does on her blog and keep track of all the things I have yet to do. This way, I get to take things off when I get them done. And in the midst of all of this, I will find little moments of joy. I just have to.

Let the madness continue...

Personal Concept Paper

Take home essay

Completed Blackboard shell

UDL Case Study

Technology Portfolio

Class Wiki

Intervention plan

Classroom Observation Strategies paper

Site based lesson reflection

Yanamamo paper

Philosophy exam

Whew. I think that's it.

Just a little Sunday

2011-12-04T21:31:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Happy Xmas (War is Over) by Celine Dion

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHrVG06U5MA

Well today we said goodbye to the last puppies. I delivered Nola and Tucker to my friend Bethany his afternoon. Kind of weird to think that next time I go home only Zoe and Dexter will be there. It was fun while it lasted.

Tonight the Gathering went really well. Oliver and I led with just a guitar, and it turned out really simply. A lot better than our last Gathering attempt. Afterwards, Em and I went out to Applebees for some wings. Wings cravings were consuming us, so it was a must.

Now we're back in my apartment watching She's All That. I'm not sure either of us is really paying too much attention to it. I think we'll actually watch Bring It On maybe. And do nails. A nice ending to our night. =]

White winter hymnal

2011-12-01T00:22:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Head Over Heels by Digital Daggers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsdA2giu5HA

Whew. Today has been pretty long. I get tired very easily so that doesn't help things out. Right now I feel like I did some pretty intense leg lifts and a crazy ab workout. But I didn't. All I did was walk a bit and sit. Oy.

It's that time in the semester where everything is coming fast and hard and due dates are flying around my head in circles constantly. I have no idea how I'm going to make all these deadlines. The goal? Pass all my classes. That's just what I want to and have to do. No if, ands, or buts. I'm getting it done. Somehow. (Pray me through.)

We're down to two puppies. And I have two prospective owners! :) These are good things.

Welcome December in tomorrow... I have a feeling not too many people are excited to see it.

Knit at the heart

2011-11-29T22:51:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Please Don't Leave Quite Yet by Adam Agin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NJ8QWOHzBQ&feature=feedrec_grec_index

So today was a pretty good day. God reminded me that I have beautiful friendships that He is weaving. Lauren and Scooter were over which is always a hoot. We watched What Not To Wear, and I just love their banter and commentary. Em and Kels and Bean and I worked really hard to decorate for Christmas and our apartment is looking better and better!

One lovely lady who just made my day, though, is Miss Stephanie Hibbler. Let me tell you about this fantastic girl...

First off, above is my favorite picture of us ever. It was taken this summer when I got to steal her away from her Wellspring team when they were near the Summer Cottage.

Anyhow, I love Steph because we can be real with each other. Like I'm not afraid to be honest with her about how I'm feeling because I know there is no judgment with her. She just loves.
I also love that we can be ridiculous and goofy together. I SO appreciate people who are comfortable enough with themselves to be silly. Laughing and having a good time is so therapeutic, and let me tell you, we laugh so much together.

I find that when Stephanie and I spend time together I just leave with a brighter outlook. I feel like she gives me good, sensible counsel, and she tells me to keep dreaming. I am just so blessed to have this girl in my life. Seriously. God knew what He was doing putting her around me.
And to close, a Christmasey picture of one of my favorite gals. teehee.

Slash. Did I mention that my God is good? Because...um... HE IS.

Hot cocoa and Christmastides

2011-11-28T22:29:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Christmas Time Is Here by Peanuts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPG3zSgm_Qo&feature=related

Yeah...classic. And it says it all!

This was one of my first tastes of Christmas this year.... Kyle stopped and let me get Starbucks on the way to Phantom of the Opera. =] Hooray for Christmasey Starbucks.

Today brought Christmas to our apartment. Em's church was giving away live trees, so we have our very own live tree for free! Good deal! Bean and I helped two of Santa's helpers decorate it. (More decorations to come tomorrow!!)
(Kelsey was afraid that E was going to steal her Santa hat's pom, I am thinking...)
After tree decorating, Oliver and I ran out to get some Taco Bell for him and some yummy hot chocolate for me. When I got back, this is what was awaiting me on the couch.... Santa Vader?

And this provides you with a shot of our charming little Christmas tree. =]

Things to look forward to...

E and B's Christmas videos to ring in the holidays

The rest of our apartment being, in Kelsey's words, "like Christmas threw up everywhere."

Hanging of the Greens with my FAMILY!!

Pretty much everything Christmas related from here until next year =]

Tis the season, y'all!!

God, be my everything

2011-11-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Be Thou My Vision by Ascend the Hill

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jEuPIahKSw

Well, I have been chastised enough that I think a post is necessary. I know I've done an awful job of posting. It's quite out of my habit now. I've been writing a lot more in my journal and doing a better job of reading my Bible at nighttime so it is alright to me that my blogging has suffered as of late.

So. Just what have I been up to you may ask?

Well...

There has been school. Which is so full. So much work and somehow we find time to enjoy ourselves. The weekends are welcome wonderful respites for the most part. Filled with football, food, and friends. Always an interesting thing, the weekend. You never what will happen, and it seems that we do end up doing strange things sometimes. For the most part, though, I most enjoy being all snuggly in the apartment, making some homemade meal for my friends, and cozying down with some tea to watch some movie or something or perhaps play a game (though that usually turns out quite interesting, too...).

Right now, I'm finishing up a weekend at home that has been filled with sister time and puppy time. We've given away two puppies so far, and tomorrow I take another downstate with me to give to my friend Stephanie's family. We'll see how Jacoby and I fair on our ride together....

Here's the girls in our family.... me, Nola, Courtney, and Pippa =]

Nola and I are buds. I'll be sad to see her go.

There really is nothing like being rushed by puppies. I simply love Tote's face in this.

And this one is of our dear little Pippa the day before she left us to be a present for a little girl. We'll miss this little sweetie.

So basically, I only have a couple of weeks until Christmas break. Which will be quite welcome. I'm trying to decide if I'm going to go to school for January or not. I can't lie, taking a break to be at home sounds so enticing. We'll see...

I promise that I surely will try to post more regularly, but I can't promise that you'll get daily updates. (My life really is not so interesting as to have something clever to post each day.) But hopefully I'll be a bit more regular about putting something up.

Anyhow, hope that you have an excellent beginning of the holiday season! Until I post again, as Koz would say "God bless and Godspeed."

There's no one in the world like Emphileeee

2011-11-10T23:43:00.000-08:00

Blogtrack: Emily by From First to Last

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gOCdza__o8

She's getting married in like...35ish hours. I'll probably cry. I love my best friend.

photo credit Jacob Roman

Dare to be one of us, girl

2011-11-01T11:55:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Australia by The Shins
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLtX-Dmd0b0

My fingers are itching to be doing a photo shoot. It is a beautiful day outside, and I'll be honest, my camera is quite dusty. I need to grab a few willing models and do some shooting just to get back in the groove of it. It's been far too long since I've tried to be creative. Maybe this weekend... doubt it. But maybe.
These photos are from the last semblance of a photo shoot that I've done. A couple weeks ago. But it was just for fun. I need to do something with an end goal or specific vision. But I do like these...
So now I'm going to print a little calendar for choir devos. I greatly dislike printing things. Maybe I'll just draw one... ha.
I'm kind of just over today. Maybe tomorrow will prove itself better.

I'm feeling quite philosophical tonight...

2011-10-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Life is Beautiful by Vega 4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDQJnbKf1hQ

I was telling Kelsey today that if my life were made into a movie, I would definitely want this song to be in the soundtrack. Probably the ending scene and the credits. I just think it's really true. It says "Life is beautiful, but it's complicated. We barely make it. We don't need to understand. There are miracles. Life is beautiful." I just feel like these are really true statements. We do barely make it. We make it because of the grace of our God.

Today at chapel we were singing this song that has repeated lines about how God is "faithful to the end. He's faithful to my heart. He's faithful to the end. He will come and marry me." I kind of have an issue with some of the lines, but I guess today I was just thinking like...it's overwhelming how faithful God is. And it's awesome that He is faithful forever and faithful to my heart. But it doesn't end there. Are you faithful to Him? Are you faithful to His heart? Are you faithful to His call? We can stand and sing all day about how He is coming and staying with us and ministering to our hearts, but where do we start living for Him? God does not exist for us. He is not a product of human need. WE EXIST FOR HIM.

I am reminded of a quote from Piper who suggests that "the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever." We exist to glorify. We exist to enjoy our God. Yes, He is faithful to us. But we also must be faithful to Him. This is the call on our lives. We owe Him all. Our hearts, our minds, our bodies. Through His faithfulness, He teaches us to be likewise faithful and obedient. Which is such a challenge. But no one every said authentic life as a believer would be easy.

Definitely not easy. But I'm positive it is worth it.

We meet love face to face.

2011-10-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Let It All Out by Relient K

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0En7JZ0KQc

It has been forever since I blogged. Sorry.

The basic gist of things that have been going on here is school and sickness. I have some sort of a cold/cough thing going on. Yes, Mom, I'm doing something about it.

School is alright. Sometimes I actually enjoy what I'm learning. ;)

I find myself often frustrated in my music classes. I'm not meant to be a classically trained singer. I just want to glorify my God. (Speaking of praising God, we've been doing the song "Glorious" in chapel a lot this year, and it gets so ridiculously stuck in my head. Check it out and stick it in yours here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E45JUvpQ-5U. We do this one a lot, too. I'm not really sure about the whole quoting Song of Solomon in reference to Jesus, but it does make for a beautiful song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL1G77iOVpU)

Anyhow, I realize I've just said a lot of nothing. But sometimes it seems that is how life is. Ridiculously full, but nothing happening at the same time. Perspective! haha.

Em and Koz get married in less than a month. Crazy.

Fall break is in a week. Wow.

Treasure these moments that seem like nothing. Because nothing is passing away much too quickly.

Set your heart on things above

2011-10-03T22:18:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Soon by Hillsong United

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8I3VO19i2w

It is only Monday. But already it feels like the week has been long. Sigh.

Today was pretty good. I did devos for choir and read from Andrew Schwab's blog. The piece about peace. I think I've linked it before, but here it is again: http://www.andrewschwab.com/blog/2011/05/acceptance-peace/

It's just so crazy good. And I think it was the right amount of humor and hard truth for the choir to hear.

I got to talk to Indigo today which was cool. She is loving Spain! :)

This evening Oliver and I watched How I Met Your Mother, and figured out songs for The Gathering.

[Whoops. Forgot to finish and post this yesterday. Oh well. It gets posted as is.]

Where is your sting.

2011-09-29T22:57:00.001-07:00

Blogtrack: Pastures New by Nickel Creek

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ojc5zfG3f8

Thank you, Lord, for dear friends and family who remind me how much they love me.

Thank you for strength through classes. For alertness and simple moments of peace.

Thank you for understanding from those around me and doses of patience when I needed it.

Thank you for someone who can make me smile and even laugh aloud on such a dark day.

Thank you, Lord, for memories and reminders of the love that I know will never fade.

Thank you that for the time since that September day, I know confidently that death is not the end and that this day four years ago, Josh won. Love won. And that makes all the difference.

Love you, Joshua.

Full of anxious love

2011-09-28T21:42:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Oliver James by Fleet Foxes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpq1kw3MXcE

It rained today. A lot. And that pretty much just set the tone of the day for me, I guess.

It was long. I was tired. I wished that I felt ill so I would have an excuse to do nothing.

Alas, I have been blessed with good health so I unfortunately attended all classes and things I had scheduled.

Braves lost tonight. Cards won. This propels them into the playoffs. Disch is very happy. I am not. But it's okay. Second favorite team in the playoffs. That's alright with me.

Something very exciting is an addition to our family....

photo by Courtney

That's right!!! We have puppiesssss!!!!!! I haven't got to see them yet, but Courtney sent me this picture. I'm so excited. =] I cannot wait to go home and see my 7 new lil pals.

Please pray for me. Thursday is a long day all by itself, but tomorrow carries more weight than usual. Maybe more weight than I can handle. Not sure. Sigh.

You met me between my breaking. I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony. See people they want to tell me that You're cruel. But if Josh could sing, he'd say it's not true cause You're good. Because You love us. I don't have time to maintain regrets when I think about the way You love us.

Oh COMET COME DOWN!

2011-09-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Kamikaze by Owl City

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwxedeWgJ3w

Okay today was a long day, no lies. But I did enjoy it. Especially this evening's trip to Coldstone/Taco Bell with Aaron, Oliver, and Kelsey. I don't think we've laughed that hard in quite a while. Though...we all laugh a lot. I'm glad for wonderful friends who make me smile.

I am so tired now, though. It's bed time. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I hope it brings some rest.

Nothing compares to your embrace

2011-09-21T22:37:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Forever Reign by Hillsong United

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRBQtIEEkrU

Long day. Yeah. And it was even shortened classes, ha.

Tomorrow will only be longer. But school cannot get the best of me. I am going to enjoy tomorrow!

I am so tired. Just have to keep pushing on. Though there really isn't a sleep in day until next Tuesday... Oh well. I'm pressing on. Slash. Listen to this song, for real. What an awesome picture of us running to our Father...

God is so good. His mercy never fails us.

We walk as ghosts upon the earth...

2011-09-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: When Death Dies (Acoustic) by Gungor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vHFsXOdTt0

In honor of their new release TODAY! =]

So...I have a rather odd professor. I am in my second class with him and because I am a "repeat student" he decided to give me a small reward for not turning and running from his class. I present to you...my very own personal cheese:

It was quite good. Though its packaging proved a little confusing. Luckily, Kelsey knows everything and could help me unwrap my marvelous present.

While there's still something left to save

2011-09-17T00:57:00.001-07:00

Blogtrack: Savior by Rise Against

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8X3ACToii0&ob=av2n

This song has been stuck in my head all day...

How about a picture now? Coming right up...

Well today was definitely a new experience. Started off normally enough.. class, tennis, lunch, dishes... but it ended with a bang of newness. 1st time seeing a live marching band. 1st football game ever. 1st live "field show" as Aaron was calling it. Yup, today was an experience. Oliver, Aaron, and I headed to Toledo this evening to see Boise State play the University of Toledo. They won, and we all had fun. Oliver was practically over the moon. I wore blue shoes which earned me a "You're awesome," from Oliver, and Aaron was proud of how I dealt with being in a crowd. (We had quite the nervous experiences when he and I saw the Cardinals this summer.) Anyways, I'm coming to the conclusion that I actually really enjoy sporting events. Next one that's up is a Tigers game next weekend with the Apartments. =]

We are always running for the thrill of it

2011-09-13T22:25:00.001-07:00

Blogtrack: Walking On A Dream by Empire Of The Sun

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eimgRedLkkU&ob=av2n

That's on Kelsey's phone. I hear it a lot. Yup.

Hmm. What's happened since last blog? Well, classes. There's that. I've actually done all of my homework reasonably ahead of schedule which is cool. And I've been really good about getting up in the morning. Which is also cool. I do realize that we haven't even had a week's worth of classes yet, but I'm hoping this becomes a pattern. Yup.

I just feel like things have been good. Everything feels chill, easy-going for the most part. I still need to finish moving in. I'm not really sure when that's going to happen, but I'm hoping soonly. My roommates might want me out if I don't get things straightened soon.

Closing thoughts: I love music. I really do. I like to be a musician. And I like to have musical friends. With diversified interests, of course. I like being an upperclassmen. But at the same time, I miss the feelings of having my whole college experience ahead of me. I think these are feelings one is supposed to have when coming to graduation, not at the beginning of senior year... Oh well. I'm different. And now, ladies and gents, I hear my pillow calling to me. And I shall be going to it.

go blue go.

2011-09-10T22:27:00.000-07:00

Blogtracks: Hail to the Victors http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rnkOkraJXK4

Young Folks by Peter, Bjorn, And John http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OIRE6iw-ws4&ob=av2n

Today was quite the day. Woke up, and Oliver and I took Aaron to the train station. Then we headed to the summer cottage to pick up the rest of my things so I could move into the apartment fully. We ended up watching some Psych, making some quesadillas and hot chocolate, and then watching the Penn State/Alabama football game most of the way through. Not a good football day for Oliver...

When we got back to school, I made a pizza, and then chilled around with Eric, Emily, Kelsey, Olivia, Marissa, and Wesley. Then I watched the Notre Dame/Michigan game while I chatted with Owen for quite awhile. I love Owen. It was suuuccccch a close, nailbiter game. Awesome. Michigan pulled it out though. I was hoping for Notre Dame to win, but nope. Oh well. As Kelsey said, "It's a good day to be a sports fan in the state of Michigan." Epic game. Three touchdowns in the last 1:12. So crazy. SO CRAZY.

Speaking of Kelsey, you should listen to her music here...

http://www.reverbnation.com/kelseyjanayelehman

Some personal favorites are "Lies and Lines," "Breathing In, Breathing Out," and "August Flies." But really they're all great. Kelsey is great. I love Kelsey.

Two-Oh Beans. [Did you see what I did there?]

2011-09-10T00:32:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Call It What You Want by Foster the People

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReJ5p458DoY

Oliver and I listened to this in the car today. It starts off kind of strange, and I told him that. About half way through the song, he asked me when it was going to stop being strange. Apparently we have different definitions of strange.

A lot of really interesting things happened today.... But I guess I should start with before today....

We're back at school! Em and I drove home on Tuesday, and I came straight to a choir officers' meeting with Dr. Livesay. It was an enjoyable dinner with him, Hannah, Marc, Kyle R, Ethan, Matt, and Chelsea. I really should have taken a picture of all of us. Ha. Oh well. We discussed the upcoming choir year and tossed around ideas.

Wednesday brought trying to move more stuff into the apartment and pretty much miserably failing. It's Friday and I still haven't moved everything in or even brought it over from the summer cottage. Oh well. It'll get done.

I've been to three classes so far. The first one was a technology and education class that I have with E. We got up and had a lot of downtime before our hike across campus, so we took first day of senior year take 1 pictures. All of them look awkward so I picked this awkward one to share with you. Classy looking, aren't we?

Yup. So there was that. And the rest really aren't that mentionable.

Today was Oliver's birthday, though, which we started out with philosophy class. Yuck.

I made him a Boise State card. And E made him one that's just...special. I also should have taken pictures of his birthday, but that didn't happen. Also oh well. I'll have to make him take a picture with his birthday brownies later...

We had a lot of visitors today. It was nice. That's pretty much all there is to say for now. Yup.

Seriously, there's no place like Fairview.

2011-09-01T21:42:00.000-07:00

So I couldn't resist uploading these. My sister is a ridiculously good photographer. These were taken back in March...

Beautiful photos of a beautiful place.

No place like Fairview.

2011-09-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: At Your Name by Phil Wickham (New album comes out in October!!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=il-bJjeiOhY

I like this picture. I think it is a wonderful family portrait...
Fortunately, I think we're getting new pictures taken. Which is about a hundred more opportunities to take ridiculous pictures like this. Which honestly summarize our family. And I think should be put in our Christmas cards...Mom. (Why shouldn't people know the real us?)

Anyways, I'm at home for the weekend before heading off to senior year. Classes start a week from today, and I personally start off with Educational Technology at 8:45 in the morning. Talk about bleck. The only redeeming qualities of this class that I can see so far: 1) I like the professor. 2) E is in it. 3) I liked the special ed version of the class, so hopefully I like the general ed one, too. (If I were saying that last sentence in Borge's inflated language I would have said, "I liked the special ed version of the class, so hopefully I like the general ed two, three.")

Random thought: I don't know how I ever thought my hair looked good remotely parted to the side. That was an altogether bad idea.

Hmm what else? Well, I'm just going to make this a wonderful weekend with my family. Mom and I are canning, I hope Dad and I play tennis, and CJ and I are doing a lot of photography, I hope. Anticipating a good time to be had by all! =]

Sigh. It sure is good to be home.

Something about this place

2011-08-26T00:47:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Half Acre by Hem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lR0CWvbl51o

Random thoughts tonight.

Someday I want to read The Spinal Cord Perception again. Also, It's All Down Hill From Here by Andrew Schwab. Who is seriously one of my favorite writers. I posted this (http://www.andrewschwab.com/blog/2011/05/acceptance-peace/) on facebook because it is so good and so true. We don't need to be perfect or perfectly happy to be perfectly okay.

The air is starting to change. It's got a certain sharpness to it, and I can tell the long summer days are drawing to an end. The way outside feels right now, it makes me think that I can do anything. I remember feeling like this in high school when fall would come. The world makes me feel like I can conquer any challenge. It makes me want to push myself to do something daring. Like maybe even flying. Something about the changeover to autumn makes me feel invincible.

Last night I shuffled through a lot of memories in my head. And this time I looked on them with a small smile and inside chuckle. It's nice to remember them well without pain to get in the way. God has let me know some wonderful times with wonderful people. And now I can look back with a grateful spirit and recall the beauty in my past friendships. No one can govern when a friendship ought to begin, end, or just change form. Sometimes it is hard to let go and let our friendships change into whatever they may, but time will have its way. I'm glad for time's gentling of my memory.

"Sucks to suck!!"

2011-08-16T15:44:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: With Everything by Hillsong United

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8wY6BPFoWU

I am terrible at posting in the summertime. I think this is because each day doesn't really have a routine. During the school year, blogging is my de-tox after a day full of who knows what. It's what I come back to at night, but during the summer, I don't have the consistency to end up at the computer after each day.

So...blogworthy things of late:

Went to Greenville on a roadtrip. It was quite, quite fun, and I loved seeing some of my Durley friends. We had many laughs as we went from pizza at Mario's to singing to Barney on the way to see Wizard of Oz at the Muni to watching some Freaks and Geeks with just about everyone and their brother while playing the "Perfect but..." game. Good weekend. And then Em and I got to see our dear friend Rachelle get married. Seems like it wasn't very long ago that she and I were sitting in the old bandshell at camp, and she was telling me all about this Luke kid that she liked. And now they're married. I'm getting old. Yikes.

I don't have a job on campus for next year officially. Pray for that one, please.

Marc came over yesterday and forcibly moved me out of a bad mood and took me to Somerset where we visited Kyle Anderson and Morgan Duncan. A good time was had by all. =]

I love Marc. We had good conversation. He shared with me things he learned this summer which were definitely things that were good to hear. Much food for thought. Yeah, Marc is a grand person.

Today Ben Kono came over and helped me bake a St. Louis Gooey Butter cake. I haven't cut it yet, but it smells amazing. Here's the recipe we followed: http://www.cakespy.com/blog-old/2009/8/27/butter-me-up-the-famous-st-louis-gooey-butter-cake.html

Good day of baking. And pizza. We also made pizza. =]

Now I'm off to play some music. When I get bored, that's one thing that I do. Yup. Quality.

Washed in the rain no longer

2011-08-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack:

Mykonos by Fleet Foxes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DT-dxG4WWf4&ob=av2e

Have you ever had one of those days where you kind of fell apart? Not quite nuclear meltdown just a couple cracks that ran deeper than you thought they might? Well, I feel like today has been a sort of cracking day. I've been thinking a lot (dangerous, I know) and some things have transpired that bum me out a bit. Normally, I probably wouldn't record this because I know later on in life, I'll have no idea what I am talking about and I'll probably feel dumb for feeling how I do, but I've decided I'm going to mark this time. Because I want to remember what today feels like.

Today feels quiet. It feels slow and steady. It feels slightly broken down and worn. But it's not a terrible feeling. Today knows that it doesn't have a clue what tomorrow holds. And somehow today is mostly okay with that. Today is tired of fighting for a planned out future. It is ready to let go and be swept to whatever end God has in store. Today is ready for constant peace and glad to be content with simply being today. So although today is not easy to stomach, it's a happy day.

Maybe I'm getting a teensy bit more mature, Mom. ;)

Say what you mean

2011-08-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack:

Junebug by Robert Francis http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo2hnWLAhik

Hide Away by Rock Kills Kid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qf-k3aH3dBo

So someone...Emily...might have pointed out that I haven't blogged in quite awhile. Her taunting went something like, "So about your birthday post...good job."

Normally, I'm not one to cave to the pressure pointed most heartily in my direction by adoring blog fans, but today, I will oblige. I admit, it has been awhile.

My birthday was wonderful because it was full of delightful surprises. Now, I'm not normally a surprise person. You have to know me well before you surprise me because if I don't like it, I could accidentally make it quite awkward. Case in point: one time my then-boyfriend got a tattoo without telling me, made me think he had gotten a huge scar from falling on ice, and then revealed it to me in front of a large group of our friends who almost all knew that he had a tattoo. I, not handling surprises or shock very well, tried to smile, but my face told too much. Or perhaps it was the way I gritted my teeth together and said, "Let's talk about this later, honey." Not too subtle? Well, yeah. That's how I am when surprises go wrong. Fortunately, my birthday surprise went totally right. :) And this was it...

More will come later, I promise.

sigh. and love.

2011-07-07T22:27:00.001-07:00

My birthday was awesome. More on that later.

Durley camp rocks my socks.

2011-06-27T19:59:00.000-07:00

Ha cha cha.

First post while at Durley!! Actually the first day that I've had fast enough internet to do this. I'm glad.

Um, I love camp. Yes, yes, yes. I love my coworkers and people from church and the kids. I'm super glad that Aaron was like, "B. Work here." He was right that it would be great.

I just love life. God is so good to me.

Kristin & me at a Cardinals game, June 25, 2011

The SAU kids @ the Cardinals game, June 25, 2011

Ashley, Sarah, me, Kristin, Aaron... missing Oliver and Jamie :(

Me and Dischy, June 25, 2011

Hannah, Aaron and I with our Day Camp kids

Please pray for me as we continue ministering to the kids. There's a lot of bad stuff happening, and I just know that Satan is really attacking our staff. Please pray for protection and that God will just break through to the campers.

"I think Melissa has gained more laughs since I last saw her..."

2011-05-27T21:30:00.001-07:00

Blogtrack: Electric Feel by MGMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmZexg8sxyk

Okay. So basically, I love the people in my life.

Yesterday Mom and I got to go to Gaylord just the two of us. We browsed the main drag and went to our favorite shops. I really wanted to get the "sexy man" soap, but Mom said I could only get it if I used it and since I didn't really want to smell like hot man cologne, that was not among our purchases. I did get some really great purple shoes. =] Anywho, here's me and Mom in an antique/crafts store:

We had a really good day together.

Tonight was graduation for FHS. I was so proud of the kids I used to TA for! And Yoder graduated...last one of our group. He gave the salutatorian address and did a fantastic job. It was the perfect combination of humor and serious delivered in that oh-so-Yoder way. He's such a good story teller that he had everyone ridiculously engaged the whole time. And I was SO proud of him to stand in front of a huge portion of our town and declare himself changed. He straight out said that God was the only thing worth living for, and he bravely challenged his classmates to find their fulfillment in Christ. He said that once you find something you believe in enough to die for, then you are truly living. Kyle challenged all of us to live with passion in something more than pleasing ourselves. I thought he did an amazing job, and God certainly spoke through one young man tonight.

The whole evening was good, though. After graduation, Indigo, Kyle H., Melissa, and I headed over to McDonalds. I know what you're thinking...Sad. These kids think going to McDonalds is a great time. But honestly...it is. It always is a great time when we have good conversation over a cup of coffee. I just love those guys. I love being able to come back from our various colleges and still hang out and have an excellent time with each other. Melissa and Indigo have been some of my best girl friends for years, and I know that I can always count on them and go to them for encouragement, straight talk, and common sense.

I always have loved Kyle's somewhat apathetic witty views of things, but him heading off to a liberal arts college has only made him more snarky. I love ironically using hipster language with him or just in general knowing exactly what each other is talking about simply because it happens on both of our campuses. And his music taste has only gotten better. This week when we hung out a couple times, he would randomly be like, "Britany. Have you heard of ......." And then I'd be like, "Shucks, Handrich. Of course! I love them." Happened over and over again; us affirming each other in music. Mumford & Sons, Passion Pit, Civil Wars, Arcade Fire, MGMT, and the list keeps going. Sigh. I just love my friends.

I also love that while we were at McDonalds, Kyle overheard a couple of guys who were talking about inviting us to a party they were throwing, so he asked if we all wanted to go to the river as a way for us to just leave right before they came over. We were all for it. Then we get outside and Kyle was just like, actually I was just trying to get us out of there.... But then we went to the river anyway with tunes cranked. Electric Feel, actually. Here was are at the river jiving to some good music:

Kyle has learned to take pictures now, haha. He used to really hate that...

Life is so good when there are dear people to live it with you. God has blessed me so much. Good family. Good friends. Good time home.

And tomorrow I'm off for "the summer cottage." Then to Illinois. Actually the plan is to go to Chicago on Sunday, haha. And then back to the summer cottage. And then to camp. Lots of Illinois...

I cannot lie, I am nervously excited for camp. I can just feel the adventure rushing through my veins. I know that it will not be the easiest thing that I have done, but God has given me a lot of comfort and changed my attitude. I don't have a spirit of fear about it, but rather a passion for the ministry that we will have as a camp. Please support me and my fellow camp staffers in prayer as I head to Durley for June and part of July. (You can find out more about Durley here: http://durleycamp.org/) God is going to do great things this summer, and I am so excited for him to take what humble things I have to offer him and work them into his plan.

Alright. To bed. So I can wake so I can pack so I can clean my car so I can get a move on toward summer. Peace and blessings. Peace. And. Blessings.

Keep on dancing till the world ends

2011-05-25T13:17:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: I and Love and You by the Avett Brothers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqZZlL0l5Uk

Bonus Blogtrack: Jungle Drum by Emiliana Torrini

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZ9vkd7Rp-g

Well in about three minutes I'm starting dinner: cheesy potato soup. Yum. As long as I don't wreck it, haha.

Home has been really grand. Lots of tennis, time spent with the family, music, laughter, and normal family craziness. Tonight we're going to a play, and then doing I'm not even sure what.

Last week Courtney and I went on our first swim of the summer. It was SO cold. But there were loons, and that was cool. Courtney is pretty crazy rad, too.

I only have a few more days here, and I'm sure they will be filled to the brim with coolness. And now, to my soup...

First swim @ Perry Lake, May 20, 2011

This is me.

2011-05-17T19:09:00.000-07:00

So my sister is a fantastic photographer. We don't often get to do photoshoots together, but today we had the opportunity to spend the afternoon together, and the little sweetheart got her camera on. 3 outfits, a couple of hours, and lots of goosebumps later, we had a lovely collection of pictures. It's been awhile since someone has done a shoot of me... But here I am. This is me. =]

Ha. This one was funny.

I am so impressed with my sister. She made me look good, yo. =] Thanks, Court!

Smile like you mean it

2011-05-11T22:40:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: All These Things That I've Done by The Killers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZTpLvsYYHw

Well tonight is my last night at school. I leave for home tomorrow night. And, honestly, I'm super excited. I miss home and family. I need to go back there.

But I love the people here, and I will miss them, I know.

In spite of it being finals week, we have managed to do quite the amount of fun things. One quite fun thing that Oliver, Aaron, Em, and I (plus some help from Tammera and Kelsey, mostly in the eating department) did was bake cake! I'm not sure what the boys were calling it, but I call it Republican Cake, which you can see below with two of the most American boys I know....

Oliver, Aaron, and Republican Cake, May 10, 2011

Now that's real patriotism.

Last weekend as a huzzah a group of us went to Ann Arbor... BDubs, Bubble Island, spinning cube, Pinball Pete's...the whole lot.... It was a good, quality time. As we were driving there, the Killers blaring on the radio and everyone laughing about who knows what, I sent up a silent thanks to God for the incredible people who have blessed my life this year....

Scooter, Lauren, Oliver, Kelsey, me, and Aaron @ Pinball Pete's, May 7, 2011

They really are great. Not always perfect, not always right....just like me. Messy people who are relying on an awesome God to get them through things. And they challenge me to do the same. Sigh. These are my best friends. I am so fortunate to be blessed with so many quality people who invest time and caring in my life. I will miss them this summer....except Aaron! Who I will be working with!! Woot, camp. Woot, summer.

Speaking of summer, today some of my stuff got moved into the house Emily and I will live in for most of the summer. Henceforth referred to as "The Summer Cottage." I am so excited to live with Em. Kind of our first adventure into being on our own. So. Scary. But good. I think it might be time. I need to learn how to be a little more independent. (I say that now, but just wait until I get there...I'll probably cry buckets.) Anyway, Em and I spent the day together. We've gotten to spend a lot of time together recently. On Sunday she came out, and we did a bunch of crazy stuff until we got too tired including drawing on the bike path with sidewalk chalk...

Here's the portrait I did of us...

And this is what it looked like all together.... We're sweet artists....

It was really fun. Some people looked at us strange kind of like, "You're too old to be drawing pictures of flowers in chalk..." but I am glad if we can retain some of our inner child (regressive pull!!). Em and I always do have such grand adventures. We're currently brainstorming a list of things to do during our summer....

Anyway. Bed...work, packing, one last pizza, and lots of goodbyes tomorrow. Then a crazy roadtrip with Bowman and SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =] Just a little excited. Ha.

We're gonna spin through the stars

2011-05-04T23:47:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: You and Me by Dave Matthews Band

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kD9CrZODlNA

Whew. Long day. Should be showering right now, but oh well.

Today I got to spend the afternoon and evening with Em and Koz. I love them. Like...seriously... love them. We took some pictures. And they were presh to be honest.

I really am so exhausted that I have nothing to say beyond enjoy this little teaser before I get these all up on flickr and such....

Koz & Emily, May 4, 2011

I'll bake you a cake!!

2011-05-01T22:25:00.000-07:00

Blogtrack: Sleep Alone by Bat for Lashes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1vtr9fXdg8

I don't really know what to say tonight. Big stuff happening in the world. Crazy stuff.

(Uhh things that are in quotes are things that Kelsey is saying.)

"Oh Kevin Costner."

We're watching The Upside of Anger at the moment. Since Kels got back we chilled around, went into town, ate some Steak and Shake which was literally delicious, ran to Meijer, and all while being in one of the craziest moods. I think I liked it.

"Her mom is nuts."

A random thing I have to say. I really love Sujan Stevens. Recently I've been listening to his Michigan and Illinois albums which I think are nigh perfect. Any mood I'm in, they are just wonderful. Sigh. I love music.

Tomorrow is my second to last technology class. Thank goodness. I won't miss it at all.

Slash. This is my roommate. This is my best friend. I'm so glad she sends me things like this.

Run to the desert

2011-04-30T18:48:00.000-07:00

You blog post soundtrack:

White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrQRS40OKNE

Today is one of those days where you are just fatter than normal. Which, honestly, is terrible. And we're on the second straight day of terrible headaches. For the moment, it is gone, but it is one of those doozies that makes you feel like you are constantly going to vomit and every time you move your head, your neck cracks. Enough complaining.

What else...

Well, Koz is home!! :) On Wednesday we went shopping and then he and Em came to Porchfest. I wasn't in it this year. Next year, maybe. After Porchfest, Koz, Em, Oliver and I went out to a very late supper. I loved it. Three of my favorite people who got along super easily. We joked and laughed, and all I could think was how thankful I am that these are my best friends. God has blessed me with many close friends who challenge me, encourage me, laugh with me, and cry with me. They aren't always perfect or right. Sometimes they do the wrong thing, or they handle things differently than I would have, but in the end, they are my friends, and I am so glad to have them. We are all learning as we go. Sometimes we repeat lessons, but it is so encouraging to know that they are there to experience and learn along with me. Such blessings they are.

Today..well, what was not spent trying to alleviate a headache was spent listening to a lot of good music, reading Dianna Agron's blog (quickly becoming one of my favorite things), dinner with part of the gang, ping pong with Aaron, and now sitting here waiting for something exciting to occur to round our my day. I do have my doubts about that, though. I think I'll make some hemp stuff and write some cards or something. Not exactly thrilling, but I can think of many worse things.

My arm hurts. My hair is getting quite long. And that's all for tonight.

...and why is she barefoot?

2011-04-22T19:18:00.000-07:00

We're watching Tangled at the moment.

I wanted to do a Good Friday post, here, but I keep getting distracted by the movie.

Perhaps later.

As of now, I'm home. The food is great. The company is greater.

Yeah, it's a great time.

So how bout a post later. Yeah...yeah.

My utmost for His highest

2011-04-11T20:39:00.001-07:00

I just wore a watch for 1 1/2 hours to try to get ready for camp this summer. I then tore it off in disgust. It felt weird to wear it. And it kind of hurt... yeah.

This evening I've been trying to name all of the Unknown Track or Unknown Album songs in my iTunes. Kind of a dumb activity, but I'm finding it soothing.

Also, I love Project 86. And I suppose that I always will.

...and now for something completely different...

Whew. I just stumbled through making sure my 4 year plan is ready for graduation. I'm zonked on it. Making me look like the crazed person you see in the picture above. (This actually wasn't tonight...It was a couple of nights ago, but still. See, Mom...I'm doing all right, hee hee) My schedule doesn't look like it will be too bad, as long as my advisor was correct in saying that I DO NOT need a minor. I hope and pray that is 100 percent correct. It would pretty much make my life.

I will do the best I can with what I have.

I CAN finish this year strong.

I CAN finish college strong.

I WILL honor God as a student.

I can get this job done.

Whew.

Pray, Mom, pray.

Love is worth the fall

2011-04-09T23:11:00.000-07:00

I suggest you listen to this as you read. It's what I listened to as I wrote:

http://youtu.be/4VifsNgP9wo

Time has just absolutely FLOWN. A whole two days have transpired.

I can't really remember much about Friday so it must not have been too epic.

Tonight seemed epic enough, but apparently not epic enough for me to take pictures...

Well, I took one picture today. But that was only because I was so happy to have my hair work out and look good, and it was so wonderful outside that I rolled up my jeans. As I took this picture, this thought flared in my mind....

"dear summer, come soon. stay long. love, b"

So anyways...today was beautiful outside. I met Aaron and Oliver for dinner and ping pong where I trounced both of them. I felt legit. (I don't often beat BOTH of them!) Then I cleaned my room and was productive and such. I worked crazy hard on my Pie Jesu from John Rutter's Requiem, but now we are fighting as I am having a terrible time singing a high A sotto voce. Oliver came over, and we chilled around, played some guitar, finished a movie, and chatted. It was a nice, relaxed evening until he decided he was hungry so we ran into Jackson and picked up a pizza. We were SO excited to find Little Caesars is open until midnight on weekends! Cha-ching. After the quest for pizza, we gathered soda, combos, and gardettos (I think that's what they're called?...Oliver chose...) and headed for Mt. Beebe. It was quite the hike, but eventually we made it to the top and had our little picnic feast. Yum. Pizza. Mt. Dew. Good company and good conversation. Good night. And Oliver tried to surf down the hill on the pizza box. Pretty much a complete fail, but it was amusing...

When I got in, I can't lie, I was really, really cold. But I warmed up by hanging christmas lights to surprise Emily. She's not in yet, but I do hope that she is surprised.... and happily surprised. =] It wasn't a really skilled hanging of lights, but they still look pretty I think. I was worried I was going to fall as I was standing on something on top of a chair, but it worked out and was pretty solid.

Sigh. I dream of summer time. Tomorrow is supposed to be summer temperatures. I welcome them... I don't welcome the flood of homework that will be overtaking us the next few weeks. Oy. Well, what needs to be done will be done, I am confident.

That flash of plaid whizzing past you? Just a hipster on a bicycle.

2011-04-07T08:15:00.000-07:00

Hipsters. They always find each other. They all want to think they're non-conformist. They all want to be completely original. They all probably don't have time to read this post.

I'm skeptical of the hipster. Especially the post-modern, emergent, WWJD bracelet wearing, dslr carrying, Christian campus hipster.

Brett McCracken is a writer who writes time to time for Christianity Today and Relevant magazine. I do enjoy a good blog of his every once in awhile, and I really think he has the hipsters that roam my campus down to a tee.

Check this out: http://www.hipsterchristianity.com/anatomy.php

Yeah...I see those every day here. Sometimes I have Christian hipster tendencies. If you would like to know if you qualify, take this handy-dandy quiz!

http://www.hipsterchristianity.com/quiz.php

If, after that, you need more clarification for yourself...check out this link:

http://stillsearching.wordpress.com/2009/02/27/are-you-a-christian-hipster/

I tested it out myself, and I pretty much agree with what it said about me, haha. I am not very Christian hipster at all. I scored a 43%. I belong to the "purpose driven, seeker sensitive..Christian establishment....I like edginess in some measure...blah blah"

Anyways, I just thought it was interesting. Reminds me of some of my friends. I hope they're not lost in a search for authenticity where they become completely fakely genuine.

I want a three wolf shirt. And a fox one for Kelsey. Yeah.

Waiting to actually know something

2011-04-06T19:17:00.001-07:00

Well today I felt sick. Downside.

I got a lot of sleep, though. Upside.

I also read about half way through my old blog. It was kind of weird feeling looking back at pictures of old, younger me. Sometimes I felt embarrassed by the notions that I had. Sometimes younger me reminded present me of timeless truths. Sometimes I thought to myself, "And you didn't even know what you were saying..." Short snippets of happy or disappointed, really honest or really dumb, nostalgic or hopeful... No matter what, I think I stayed a dreamer. I still saw possibilities. Even if the possibilities did not seem bright to me. I like looking back sometimes.

But I also like looking forward. As school is running into its last legs, I cannot help but look forward. I got a graduation audit today. Graduation. GRADUATION. Didn't I just graduate from high school? Oh. dear. goodness.

In the immediate future I see things like saying goodbye to Koz for awhile, seeing my friends joined in marriage, living with Em for part of the summer, leading worship at a camp I've only been to once, hoping for more summer jobs, hugely hopeful of time for my family.

I really also hope that I can start taking pictures again. I want a camera. I realized it is an escape for me to take pictures. Because then I'm totally involved in something else and the rest of life fades away while I work on getting the shot and portraying peoples' personalities.

I need that escape. Ha.

Tomorrow is form frenzy. I'm glad I don't have to do it.

Hmm. If you haven't seen this before, check it out... Gives you a lot to think about....

God's Chisel by the Skit Guys: http://youtu.be/AhfUzodLRvk

1234 happened and I smiled with glee.

2011-04-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty much radically crazed right now.

I drank a Java Monster which I did not think would affect me, however now I have energy burning in my head and coursing through my veins. It's like I drank a powerthirst. Cha!

The problem with this energy situation is that it is late. Not like UBER late, just late. (Ha, so there Kels. Take that UBER and eat it.)

I like listening to hardcore music because I feel even more pumped up than normal, and it makes me feel terribly legit. It's just like those moments when I put on aviators and transform into someone way more than myself. Go with me on this one...

Normal, dear, sweet B......

TRANSFORMATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

B of hardcore legend.....

I honestly think there is truth in what Kelsey says about me in aviators. Life is just better through my sunglasses... I am whipping my hair back and forth right now. Do it with me. You'll feel better. Step one: load this youtube video. [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYdTPoMkoho] Step two: play this youtube video and lose yourself.

Uhm. This has been wasted moments with Brit. Tune in tomorrow when I will be waaaay more calm hopefully and not be typing an impressive 5000 words per minute.

If home is where the heart is, then my home is where you are

2011-04-02T02:32:00.000-07:00

I'm home.

And it feels soooooo good to say that.

Last night I hit a wall of homesick waves.

How did I deal?

I cried.

I called my dad.

And I focused on the fact that I would be coming home today.

I felt better.

And now I'm here!

And I had a shoot with Em and CJ. That was fun. As you can see here...

Ahh. I love these ladies. And I love being home.

This shall be a joyful weekend.

Party till the AM

2011-03-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Homework party, that is.

Kelsey, Tammera, and I are all chilling here working on homework. I still have quite the list to accomplish, but it is slowly going down. A break was needed at this point, so I figured I'd pop on over here to talk about my life because it is sooo crazy interesting. Right.

But I'll tell you about someone who IS interesting: KYLE.

Kyle is really cool. You may see him with me here:

Sigh. I love these pictures. They are very us. Kyle and I love spending time in the practice room working on pieces legitly (Yes, Kels...I used this word just for you.), writing our own music, or just dinking around and improvising. That's one of our faves, for sure. We also love to fake argue. Other people probably find us completely annoying, but honestly, that does not bother us a lot. We're kind of off in our own little dramatic world anyway. It's great fun for us.

Well, now I should get back to the task at hand after getting quite distracted by blogging, the Beans twins, and Kelsey throwing animal crackers at me while I try to post videos on her wall.

These are things I love about college.

Let's dance around the things we dare not speak of.

2011-03-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

As I curl up with some kool-aid and a butterfingers, I must admit, tonight is a mixed feeling sort of night. I feel really good about life in general and stuff, but there are some specifics that are escaping me at the moment. Tonight to end my day I'm getting a move on editing some pictures. I love photography. Seriously. I know a lot of people are photography enthusiasts and that it is very "in" right now, but I just love it. I love taking the photo. I love looking at them. I love editing them. I just love documenting life...and making it look good, ha. So I'm going to indulge in some editing so that I will be just as happy as a clam.

Some songs I'm really enjoying today by Hillsong United....

Take Heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMxKrwqp_4Y

Like An Avalanche: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOJhJWZNQyU

Light Will Shine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8u3h0qjcIU

Quality songs of raw worship. Honest before the throne. Love.

Fierce is a verb

2011-03-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

Today has ranged from the interesting to the downright outrageous--i.e. As Kels and I were watching a Britney Spears commercial I parroted her by saying, "Britney chooses her own destiny." in a ridiculous nasally tone....In exact time while Britney herself spoke, "I choose my own destiny." with the exact intonation as my making fun voice. You may watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM-gBByr6x4

The interesting has been some legit Mark Driscoll articles as well as this one from Tim Keller that I only tipped the iceberg on....it's about Evangelistic Worship. Controversial, yes. Interesting, yes. Sparking my thoughts...YES.

If you care about the way you worship and the way your church worships, check it out....

http://theresurgence.com/2011/03/23/evangelistic-worship

Well, anyways, I hope tomorrow is a bit more of an even keel day. I'm anticipating it will play out something like... B wakes, rises, showers, works, practices for voice, goes to chambers, eats, goes to voice lesson, works like a ravenous wolf on her homework, goes to choir, goes to supper, celebrates life with Bowman, hits up the coffee house, and works even more on homework and such! I hope that it turns out a little happier than that. Ach well...life happens. Also, see below, these girls, I love. And sunglasses. And sunshine. And photos.

Kels, E, and B - March 27, 2011

What happened to us?

2011-03-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

I just crawled underneath Emily's bed as she was asleep to retrieve Kelsey's social stratification book. At least, I think that's what it was....

It was amusing, for sure. E didn't even stir. And I kind of made quite a racket....

What else is new??

Well, on Friday we had a woman's day and did lots of girl things ending the evening with a dinner party for Kelsey's birthday. We went out to Olive Garden and all wore plaid. It was fairly ridiculous...As you can see....

This is the group of gals who got to go out together :) We are....

Back row L-R: Scooter, Kelsey, Lauren, Emily C., Marissa

Front row L-R: Jamie, Tammera, Emily B., Britany

We all had an excellent night of fellowship together. After we got back, E and I rearranged our room. Now I sleep waaaay high up. It's kind of like a tree fort, ha. But scarier....

It's a full week coming on...Sigh. Life moves so quickly.

Stuck in my head tonight? Which to Bury, Us or the Hatchet by Relient K

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZJBejiIHSo

Happy listening.

Rocked the night away!

2011-03-24T18:53:00.000-07:00

Today is Thursday. Which is one day from Friday. Which I am thankful for. Amen. :)

Tammera and I are sitting here watching some Mary-Kate and Ashley. This is my third one in 3 days....

Switching Goals

Holiday in the Sun

and now....

Winning London

Fabulous.

Let's see...what else do I have to tell you? Well, I'm pretty excited about the Bookstore's next sale. It starts on April 1, and it's baseball themed. We welcome you to Fortress Field where you are sure to hit a great deal out of the park! Ha. I've seriously really enjoyed making the decorations for it.

I'm getting PUMPED for this summer. Still not exactly sure of plans, but Bowman and I are going to have a legit one, I know.

Speaking of Bowman, yesterday she and I went thrifting which turned out to be ridiculously fun. We found a crazy amount of tie-dyed Bar Mitzvah shirts and ended up getting 7 of them for ourselves and 5 friends, haha. They say "Rocked the night away at Janson's bar mitzvah. June 6, 2009." Love it. Absolutely love it. I'll have to upload a picture sometime. After that, Tammera, Emily, E, Kels, and Marissa all wore their shirts to Deeper. E said it looked like they were my fan club cause I was singing and wearing mine, too. It was great, haha.

I think that's about all the update I have...

Oh yeah, and this song is hardcore stuck in my head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVo8g7T39A4

Thanks a lot, Kozma. ;)

We are golden.

2011-03-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

Well, we're back to school now. Yeah.

Reunited with peeps. It's fabulous when you don't think of the load of work that will quickly be pressing in on you.

And, the best surprise ever!!! RAELEE IS HERE!!! :) I'm about so happy that I could bust.

Kelsey is just finishing packing while we listen to music and chat. I surely love this girl! It's great to be together again.

I love Kelsey. Period. With a cherry on top. Maybe not the cherry.... with a dinosaur tattoo on her forehead. Nay... with an "oh yes mizzou" tat on her calf. Yes, this is the way I like Kels most.

Sunny with a high of 75

2011-03-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon sports fans! We have officially stepped into March Madness!! Last night Jamie and I filled out our bracket and so far we're doing alright in our group pool. (Pool made up of me, Kelsey, Aaron, Oliver, Emily, and Eric.) At this moment in time, Em is actually ranked number one. Which is incredible since her choices were based on jersey color.
Jamie and I are watching House right now. Which is pretty much going just like every other House episode ever. Patient with something crazy ridiculous wrong...going from possible problem to possible problem....barely making it... It is only part of the way through so there is a possibility this one will end differently than normal.
So anyways, I figure I can explain a little about Colorado now or I'll never do it, haha. On Monday, Jamie and I hit our homework for awhile and ended up watching a movie with Grandma. We ate in then ran to Baskin Robbins for dessert. It was my first time and boy was it good. :) After dessert Jamie and I watched the Bachelor finale which was quite the nail-biter. Koz came over and eventually we headed out for some BDubs. Fantastic. :)
Tuesday morning we got up and took Grandma to the zoo. It was pretty crazy cool...built into the side of a mountain. It was interesting hauling Grandma's wheelchair up the hills. All of us together we could do it, though. We got to feed the giraffes which was definitely the coolest part of it. After lunch at Panera, we dropped Grandma off at home and then headed to Garden of the Gods. It was absolutely beautiful and the three of us had a really good time together. After some detours, a stop at Kohls and nabbing Koz, we headed to the Elephant Bar Restaurant. It was pretty cool and the food was good. Then we headed back to the apartment and Jamie, Koz and I watched the Fountain. Weird trippy sad movie, but it definitely made me think. Koz and I got to spend some time talking and such which was really, really good. I miss him lots, and it was great for us to have some time together.
Wednesday we got up and packed. We drove up to Castle Rock and made a stop at the outlets there. I got new jeans (finally!), and they were even the exact kind that I wanted to find. After some lunch on the road, we got up to Denver. Sooner than we knew we were through security and waiting for our flight. We got back to St. Louis at like 6 and eventually back to Greenville.
After some Disney channel, homework, my blog from yesterday, and filling out our bracket, Jamie and I went to bed. I was in and out of sleep until around 2 when as I laid awake I was startled by my phone. It was Oliver. Quite soon after, Aaron came by and picked us up. They wouldn't tell me where we were going until we were in the car, and we ended up at a restaurant called Huddle House where we met Oliver, Owen, and Jace. We had a really fun time as we conversed over breakfast food. Everyone but me had biscuits and gravy. I had toast. Yum. It was great to meet Jace and Owen in the flesh. They were pretty cool.
This morning I did some homework and, fail, have a kind of bad headache. Once Jamie got home from her errands, she and I made pizza rolls and have been watching television as we monitor the progress of our bracket. A good day so far.... We'll just see what happens the rest of the day! :)

Ach, my shanks ponies!

2011-03-16T20:14:00.000-07:00

Well...I had a whole thing written out and such, but then I accidently deleted it. Basically...and mind you, this is the shortened version... yesterday we went to the zoo and Garden of the Gods for our main day activities. I liked it. A lot. At the Elephant Bar Restaurant
At Garden of the Gods

We had a crazy good time there!

At the Zoo with Grandma :)

Yay, giraffes!!

Their tongues were crazy. Yeah.

We climbed inside something for kids...because we're kids at heart.

Petting a wallaby!

Happy Pi Day!!

Too many choices at Baskin Robbins! We almost had a nervous breakdown choosing...

So now we're back in Greenville. The Colorado leg of our break is over and now there is just Illinois/Missouri and eventual trip back to school. I'm assuming we have only more good times ahead of us! :)

This is Colorado.

2011-03-13T22:32:00.000-07:00

Spring break trip to Colorado with Jamie so far has been really really ridiculously good. Here is my summary thus far:

Wedged in car between an Oliver and a laundry basket. Lose Disch. Lose Beans. Dropping in on Annie practice. Alex, Ashley, Chelsie, Jordan, Amy, Hollyn! Packing with a kitty cat. Sleep whilst trying to contain excitement. Rise. Devos. Last minute prep. Subway for lunch. Odd movie about small aliens with the Wards. St. Louis! Waiting for 2 hours to board. Plane ride featuring the basketball stylings of MSU vs. Penn State and Duke vs. Virginia Tech. Hitting up some Zack and Cody via The Suite Life on deck. Landing. Meeting Koz. Hauling through Denver by most roundabout route. Epic mall with fireplaces...props. Castle Rock in the dark. Colorado Springs with Kilo radio in the background. Finding Uncle Eric in the parking lot. HAPPY! Lasagna and Texas toast with pink fluff. Rice krispies for dessert. Eventually hit the hay. Up at 6 a.m. Jamie off to snowboard. Koz and I off for the most epic loop of mountain touring with Mountain Dew while cranking what Koz deemed "Mountain Jams." All the way up to Denver. A stop in Breckenridge. Long haul back to the springs. Watching Knight and Day in his room..actually an okay Tom Cruise movie...and I never thought I would say that about any other movie than Top Gun. A stop at Sonic on the way back to Aunt Judy and Uncle Eric's..my first time. Grape slushie and a strawberry limeade. A little bit of necessary homework then off to Golden Corral for some shmorgasboard. Chilling around with Koz, Grandma, Jamie and her friend, Steffen. Getting everyone off to bed. And now, here...blogging. The only downside that I've encountered is a persistent headache and a sometimes queasy stomach, but this seems to be easing.

Enjoy some pictures...take the edge off of missing me. Ha.

Jamie. Me. Waiting to board our plane in St. Louis

Random restaurant in Breckenridge. Just paused to ponder the meaning of life or something.

I'm in mountains! I'm in snow!

We saw lots of this...and it was beautiful. :)

How Koz and I spent much of our day. Sunglasses, tunes blaring, endless stream of wit.

Grandma and I at Golden Corral. By this time in the day I was feeling a bit tired plus the effects of the altitude, haha. Don't worry...I'm much better now.

Not really sure what's on the docket for the next couple days, but I'll try to keep you posted. Until next time, keep your stick on the ice!

Where are you.

2011-03-08T08:22:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-E3a6kW6LI

Please play this as you read...

I thought of this song today. I thought of how many times we play hide and seek with God. We feel like He's always the one hiding. And we're constantly seeking. We come to this point where we are so tired of playing. We're now desperately looking for Him. We want to find Him. We want the seeking to end. We're crying out, "God, where are you!"

...And all this time we're thinking that God is the one hiding.

But see...He's not. We are.

God is right where He has always been. Walking through the garden. Calling our names. Giving us the opportunity to end the game we're playing. Giving us the chance to stop hiding.

So as we are saying, "Oh, God. Where are you now?" and thinking that God is hiding from us, it is really us who won't come out of the shadow to meet God right where we have always known Him to be.

My challenge to you: Step out from the shadows. Be emboldened to stop playing games with God. Embrace His truth. Say, "Lord, here I am." Then give yourself wholly to what He would have for you.

I love my family.

2011-03-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

Well...it is late. And I have finished enough homework that I am satisfied and am going to bed. Tomorrow is another day with lots more homework in it, but also some things to look forward to. We have a choir concert, and it's Tuesday which means a couple of hours spent in the boys' room (Marc, Oliver, and Aaron's, I mean). I cut my hair tonight which was definitely needed. I think I cut my bangs a bit too short, but they'll grow out quick, I'm sure. Lauren and I project two weeks until I'm happy with them. So somehow today I found an old file on this computer with some lovely forgotten pictures from the summer. Here are a couple that just made me happy. :)

Hard at work @ The House...addressing newsletters by hand :)

Girls day in Gaylord with Mom!

We're all thinking so hard...

Mini golf at the park with Dad :)

I think the mascara is running in my eyes

2011-03-03T23:55:00.001-08:00

I am quite glad that this week is almost over. One more class, packing, and I'm on my way home with three of my best friends. I am ready for a break, and I am ready for home. The past few weeks have been both challenging and encouraging. Today was absolutely funky, though, and threw me a little out of whack. I'm suddenly starting to question some things that I thought I had a grasp on. Life. It never makes sense, right? Yeah. Maybe things will come clearer in the next little bit here...

Not the Saturday of my choice...

2011-02-26T18:42:00.000-08:00

Today has been one of those days that are simply necessary. Not necessarily what you want...but necessary. My necessary was homework.

Now I'm watching Slumdog Millionaire with Jake and Jamie, but this is also a necessary of my day. It's a class assignment. I'm not exactly sure what is going on in it, but I think it's a pretty good movie. It's just a little hard for me to follow.

I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better weekendish day for me. We'll see...

Bri and Jamie and I have plans for later tonight, and hopefully that will make an interesting post coming up soon...

A bird in the hand...

2011-02-23T13:19:00.001-08:00

I've really never understood that phrase. If someone does and can explain it without talking down to me, please do.

Today has been full of homework. Which I guess is a good thing. But it is making me quite weary.

What else...hmm. This morning chapel was about sex. It was an interesting message that was supposed to be about union. Part of the point was that because of the fall, women must submit to men. Then my history class watched Iron Jawed Angels which is about suffrage. It pretty much just reinforced how the world thought women were not as good as men and such. I'm not sure I liked it.

So yeah. That's been my day. Treatment of women, homework kicking me upside the head, jamming on a guitar by myself, and trying to come up with some positives to rock on this blog...

Please keep praying for me. I still haven't quite recovered from the shock this week, and I'm mad that I even felt thrown for a loop in the first place. Pray that God changes my heart and attitude about this...

I cast all my cares upon You

2011-02-22T11:58:00.000-08:00

Well, it's only Tuesday, and this week has already thrown me for a loop. So much of a loop that I'm listening to Coldplay, haha. And now I'm going to watch Castle and prepare myself to go to choir. For some reason, I'm absolutely dreading it. Today with my 3 music classes would be the one day where I really do not want to take musical direction. It's just annoying me. And so are the people in my choir. (Not all of them! Don't think that it's you, if you are in my choir...I'm just easily annoyed today.) Anyhow, tonight is looking like it will bring much homework, some volleyball, and a tinge of euchre. I'm pretty excited for the last two things in that list.

I'm also getting more and more psyched about spring break. :) Jamie and I are going to Colorado, and I cannot wait to see Grandma, Aunt Judy, and Uncle Eric!

Please pray for me this week. Life is happening daily. And I love that and hate it at the same time. I just want to get through this week to the weekend, and I'll be set for awhile. God did not promise to make life easy or painless, but He did promise to give us life abundant. And I'm holding onto the hope of that truth this week.

The week in forward motion

2011-02-20T13:39:00.000-08:00

So...I feel like my blog could use an update. So I suppose I'll tell you about the past week.

Let's see...

Monday: Valentine's Day. I don't understand why people make such a big deal about how much Valentine's Day sucks. It really isn't THAT bad. It's just another day. I had night class which is definitely not my favorite thing to be doing at night, but this one really wasn't as bad as usual. It was actually almost...dare I say it...fun? After class, Kyle and I went to the music building and jammed for awhile. I accompanied for him and Matt a little, and then Oliver came and we sang and played piano a little. We chilled with Matt who told us about a worship arts program thingy he wants to do, and he showed us some show choir videos. Then we hit up some Taco Bell and watched the Kansas State/University of Kansas basketball game in the Coug. Rock chalk was stuck in my head for the rest of the week. (If you don't know what that is...take a listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddXfc0mQfxc What they're saying is "Rock chalk, Jayhawk, KU.")

Tuesday: Well, Tuesday went well up until maybe 6 pm when I put on a movie and chilled on my bed while doing homework. This ended up totally backfiring as I fell asleep for hours. I woke up at maybe 12:45 and felt absolutely sick. Bri and Kels chilled around with me and somehow I fell back to sleep.

Wednesday: So that sickness I had on Tuesday? Yeah. Didn't go away. I felt awful Wednesday, too. So I tried to sleep it off. This approach mostly worked. I ended up being able to go to WAVE at night, which was pretty good. Oliver and I went to the store after that because I managed to completely run out of shampoo. Typical, huh?

Thursday: Work. Choir. Work. Choir. This is the pattern of a Thursday for me. Redundant much? Thursday night, though, I branched out experience-wise and volunteered at Hispanic Family Literacy Night. At first, we worked one on one with the kids doing their homework, spelling, and math games. The little girl I worked with was in third grade, and her name was Arely. And man was she a spitfire. She wouldn't even tell me how to pronounce her name. Arely told me straight up that she wasn't going to do anything. I somehow tricked her into spelling 15 spelling words in the span of maybe 40 minutes. I felt like a failure. Everyone else's children seemed like almost eager to do their homework. Sigh. All my student wanted to do was say things like "poop" and tell me that her favorite movie was Family Guy because they cuss and get naked. Lord, help me. We'll see what next Thursday brings...

After that, I got back to Spring Arbor and don't really remember what happened, haha. I know that I went to play volleyball. And was with Kels and Lauren for awhile. I think Kels and I went to Jackson. And watched Modern Family.

Friday: Kels and I stayed up kind of late so I slept kind of late. Then I had lunch with Eric and E and Oliver for a little. Kels and I went and got stuff for pizza in the afternoon. Then back to school and out into a field to play some catch. It felt soooo good! And it was ridiculously sweet that we were outside in sweatshirts in February playing softball. :) Then Kyle and I hit up a practice room for awhile. Then we all made pizza together. Doughs courtesy of Kyle, Bri, and Eric this week. We all chilled around for awhile then somehow I ended up watching a movie, but I can't really remember much about it. I know there was more stuff that happened, but it wasn't super catastrophically awesome so...yeah. Moving on.

Saturday: Today was going to be an interesting day. I just knew it. Kels and I went to Arby's for lunch and then to Goodwill to scout for legit Disney movies. No luck, though. We had supper with Aaron, Oliver, and Jack. Then Oliver and Aaron played catch with us for awhile, and Oliver taught me how to throw a football. I definitely felt a sense of accomplishment, haha. During open hours, Scottie, Bruce, Oliver, Jake, and Ashley came over and we watched Ocean's Eleven. It was good. And then Oliver and I hung out. Which was also good.

Sunday: Now...today. I interviewed David for a paper. And some other stuff that really isn't worth mentioning. And now I'm going to dinner. Oh yah.

Times have changed

2011-02-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

Today as I checked my blog I kind of got stuck on the URL... heart of perseverance, character, and hope. When I got this blog, my life was in massive transition. A lot of things changed last March and by June I was ready to be rid of my old self and on to something completely new. I think we can definitely agree on that one since my first post on this blog was entitled "Time for a change." I needed to shift everything so that I could grow and shake off the former things. When I chose the URL for this blog, I had Romans 5 in mind. Specifically starting at verse 3: "...we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

This is what I wanted for my life. I was in a time of suffering, and I knew that I needed perseverance. Because I had my eye on the end goal: To become a person of character who has great hope.

I know that it isn't always the most healthy to mark anniversaries. But this time, I mark it. Yesterday was 11 months since my life went through forced change. It's a lot to reflect on for me. It seems crazy that I have lived almost a whole year since then. But then I think back to the person I was, and I realize that I feel like I have aged years and years since that rainy night in March. I'm also realizing that the transition from suffering to hope is messy. You cannot expect to move from one stage to another clean cut and tidy. I think I spend my days in more than one at a time, and sometimes all four stages in a day. But I will say this. Lately my days have moved toward the ending stages. And now, although sometimes I do suffer, I suffer in hope. Because I know that suffering is not the end. I think I have gained a persevering heart. And character. And best of all, I do have hope. I have confident hope.

"And [I] rejoice in the hope of the glory of God!"

A little bit of meat and a lotta bit of potatoes.

2011-02-08T18:20:00.000-08:00

It is an odd feeling to sit here and remember that all the homework I planned on doing tonight plus some extra is done. It's relief. And panic that tomorrow will bring a new wave of intense homework that I definitely will not enjoy. But for now, there is relief.

I am sitting here on possibly and probably the most comfortable couch in the entire world owned by one Marc Anderson. To my near right there is one Aaron Disch who has quite the depressed look on his face as he works to complete homework that has absolutely no fun in it at all. He was hoping to have it done by nine, but I am sure if you've ever been in this situation, you know how homework seems to multiply and intensify just when you think you have a handle on it.

Behind me there is one Oliver Beans who at this moment, I believe is eating a cookie baked by the hands of some friends from his core. I think he's supposed to be doing homework, too, but I have my doubts about that actually being accomplished at the moment.

It is nice to sit here and rest my feet on the manoman. (This is Marc's name for his ottoman...I think it somehow makes it more masculine that he owns an ottoman.) There is not a lot of rest to be gotten for me. Last night, I even tried to go to bed at a semi-reasonable time that somehow ended up with Kelsey and Bri both climbing up onto my bed with me and laughing a ton. It was good though. I love those girls. They are such blessings in my life, and I was happy to laugh along with them.

Now, this is the rest of the story, but know that it is not as eloquent or polished as I would like it to be. I approach it with a sort of reverence because I feel like God did a lot of teaching two weekends ago. Actually, so much that I feel like a new person. Perhaps I am beginning to understand even more fully what being "born again" truly is like?

Our story starts back up on Friday. I had my first history class with Professor Edwards who is really quite a character. There will be more time to tell you of him later. And maybe even a post full of the things he has said that I have taken upon myself to write down and revive later for chuckles. After history, we worked as hard as possible to leave as soon as possible. I think we ended up leaving a bit before noon. We were on the open road toward Illinois: Me, E, Aaron and Jake. Setting out on a 7 hour road trip toward blue skies and warmer weather. On the way there, we saw a car accident. I couldn't look at it. I had to turn away. The pain of Josh's death came up so easily, and that confused me. Over J-Term, I had done the mourning process the Jewish way. I thought that God had really changed my perspective about my loss, but now...here I was... so upset. It passed.

That evening, we practiced to do a worship service for the retreat we were at. Oliver sang "How He Loves." And I cried. (Seriously, if you haven't heard John Mark McMillan's song, How He Loves...go look it up and try to keep your eyes dry.) It hit me hard in the gut. When we did it in concert that night, it smacked me just as hard. And I cried again. But then a merciful, sweet thought occurred to me: I was not crying from a spirit of brokenness at the hand of pain, but from a spirit that was broken by love. And the fact that it was love made all the difference to me. We then started singing David Crowder's song "We Win." I didn't used to like this song, but that night it clicked with me. (If you remember...I talked about this song and part of Crowder's book here: http://heartofperseverancecharacterhope.blogspot.com/2010/12/ive-found-secret.html) For the first time, though, my understanding of victory went beyond "death doesn't win." Somehow I moved to "death doesn't win. love wins. and love changes everything." Maybe this transition doesn't make sense to you. Maybe it's hard to distinguish between these two ideas. All I know is that what once connected only with my head, now connects completely with my heart. I am confident in the truth and power of 1 Cor. 15: 55-57:

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is in the law. But thanks be to God he gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ."

By the time I was in my cabin and writing in my journal about all I had realized, it was the 29th. The anniversary of Josh's death. And I was able to confidently write in my journal that "3 years and 3 months ago today, death did not win. Josh won. Tim won. I won. God won. And love won. And that makes all the difference."

Tropic Thunder hear my cry

2011-02-07T21:30:00.000-08:00

I promise, Aunt B will un-pause the story eventually. It's just a big story that I haven't had the time to write exactly the way I want.

For now, here's a picture of Emily and me on Super bowl day! Life is good these days...

We'll just see where it takes us.

One week is seven days ago.

2011-01-31T23:48:00.001-08:00

Whhhheeeeel. It's been quite some time since I last blogged.

Interim semester has ended, and Spring semester has begun.

My summer plans have changed and changed again.

I sat for 14 hours in a car over the weekend.

And I've had a great time doing all of this.

It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, but God is good to me and has taught me so much through the high and low points of the past week. Let's get down to the nitty gritty...

I can't remember much from the first part of the week at this point. I know that I had two sessions of my core class, but it's hard to recall everything straight up right now. We had two papers, a journal, and a presentation. And then it was all over!

Wednesday was kinda crazy, to be honest. I worked a lot in the morning. Bowman came out in the afternoon, and we ended up watching a movie, eating dinner, and playing ping pong with Kels and Aaron. Em stayed till after DEEPER. (Which, btw, I don't have DEEPER this week and am so happy about that fact! I love doing DEEPER, but it is time for a break.)

Thursday was a whirl, too. We had soooo much going on and so much to get ready for our trip to Illinois. There was the floor hockey championship which we valiantly fought for before giving it up to the K-house/Apt/Commuter team. Kelsey was hardcore...5 goals. I tried to be hardcore, too, but I only made 1. After that was a coffee house that E and I sang at upstairs in Lowell. It was pretty cool, and I wish I did not have so much to do before our trip so I could've stayed longer at it.

I'm going to pause this story right now because the rest is about our trip weekend, and that story is just better when I can fully draw it out for y'all.

Ridiculous. But good.

2011-01-22T23:37:00.000-08:00

New Matt quotes:

"I look like Mr. Rogers gone bad!"

"Did you add the chape-el nippage?.....I mean the nipple chafe-age?"

Replacement Kelsey quote: May I remind you, you called me Satan and phat tonight!

B quote: Aaron, say the F word.

Aaron: "Owen said, "That's what she said." after Oliver said, "Get on the line!" .....which IS a stretch."

Aaron- Throwing snowballs wasn't a good idea.

Kels-What were you throwing them at?

Aaron- Trees.

"Sigh....I hope I don't get frostbite."

We had a screening of Kapeash's "Pointman".....we enjoyed it.

Things I learned about the Greenville men while watching:

Jace said, "You idiot!" Alot. I said that's probably because Jace is mean. Aaron says that's not true, he just wanted a quality arts film.

Oliver cannot keep straight face. Especially when Jace falls backward into water. And he pokes Brian with a stick.

Owen is practically omnipresent. Seriously...like in every shot whether he was supposed to be there or not.

Aaorn really liked showing us a piece of his teenagehood. I think...

We're up really late. We have to get up in a few hours. So...yeah. I'm gonna hit the hay, I think.

Imma b.

2011-01-22T21:43:00.000-08:00

Whew. So, I'm home for the weekend with some pretty cool cats along. The above picture is from earlier this week. Kels and I had a lot of homework for our class so we would give ourselves little reward incentives to accomplish all of our tasks. You may view one of our incentives here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awuXTat0DNE

We have such fun.

So anyways...the legit people who came with me for this quick roadtrip home. Their bios: (And, yes, guys...I did steal these pics. I'm a thief. What of it?)

Name: Matt

Age: 20

Affiliation: The arts.

About him:

Well, folks, the cheeser you see to the left is one of my best man friends. He pretty much rocks. Matt's a legit worship/performance major who busts out a pretty tenor I. :)

Quote of the weekend:

"Do you have a Sharpie?...I just want to write THUG LIFE on my chest and dance around."

Haha, I love Matt.

When he gets sugar in the system, he goes crazy!!

And he might have asked if my mom was a little person...maybe.

Name: Cass...Emily...Bri...err KELSEY

Age: 20

Affiliation: Suitemate. Roommate the days she lives in El Teatro.

About her: Dude, Kels is awesome. Number one, she writes down all the stupid things that I say while I'm falling asleep and laughs about them with me later. That's true friendship. Two, friendship with Kelsey is just easy. Also, we have musical fusion. She is going to make one sweet social worker. (We would miss social justice day in class....)

Sound of the weekend:

"Sigh....laughter."

Dude, Kels...you were kinda silent this weekend. But you laughed at everyone else's antics. So...wild laughter on your part. Especially Friday night when you and Matt were laughing so hard I thought you would pee your pants about my mom being a little person.

Name: Aaron

Age: 18

Affiliation: Free Methodist for life, bro...both sides of the family....for generations on one side...nuff said.

About him: Basically he's a Free Methodist homie. He hails from the G-ville. If you want to know more about him and his beliefs in the Wesleyan biz, just ask him.

If Disch and I didn't hate each other so much, we'd probably be good friends. The only thing is that he has everyone convinced he's a super nice boy, and I'm the only one who knows the truth, so naturally I have to give him a hard time...all the time.

Quote of the weekend:

Aaron- It would make a great movie if there was someone who was Amish who didn't want to be.

B- I have movies like that.

Aaron- That's stupid. I was totally kidding.

Aaron...so nice. So polite and sweet. Riiiight.

Free Methodists....

So anyways these are the folk who piled into my tiny car braving snow and extreme heat exhaustion driving four hours jam packed like sardines so that they could spend a couple of days in the far north country.

I love my friends.

Every day I see myself clearer

2011-01-19T12:46:00.000-08:00

Thing I realized about myself today: I am terrible at using cellophane. Just profanely awful.

TO DO

2011-01-18T13:11:00.000-08:00

Well, here Kelsey and I find ourselves on Delta 3 in Callie and Jamie's room looking to tackle and take down another 70 paragraphs tonight.

Last night it was 80 paragraphs and a 3-4 page paper, so this doesn't seem quite as bad, but I know it is going to take us practically forever.

To inspire us, we have made a chart...

14 sections tonight

15 sections tomorrow

more the next day, but I don't want to think about it yet.

We'll see you at the end of the week.

My words fail me.

2011-01-16T18:11:00.001-08:00

I have the desire to blog but not the words to say.

I am at a loss.

Things are good. And strained. And bad.

But such is life, correct?

I want to go home.

And so I shall, I think...

Oh B...sometimes you forget....

2011-01-12T16:16:00.000-08:00

Lay down your irritation.

Lay down your annoyances.

Put away your insignificant opinions.

Don't bother with selfishness. That doesn't turn out well for anyone in the end, ever.

Forcing things to be the way you want them takes too much effort and time for you to only ending up wishing that you hadn't forced your way on everyone else.

I know it's scary as all get out to just let go...

To just throw your hands in the air and be done.

But trust me, it will save you....

Time.

Hurt.

Regret.

Things that you really do want to be saved.

In the end, humility...by serving others, by counting others above you, by looking out for others' interests and not just your own...will end up saving you.

It's a quarter after one, I'm not alone, and I don't need you now

2011-01-09T22:04:00.001-08:00

I'm writing papers. It does not please me.

Therefore I took a break.

I watched videos of Jace and Owen and Seth singing. It was pretty.

Then I listened to Terrence Mann sing If I Can't Love Her (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qyg8W9t9x0). It's straight up beauty.

Then I listened to Til I Hear You Sing which is from the newer musical Love Never Dies by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

And a bunch of other stuff.

Then I got up and did stuff.

And now I am here. Writing.

Not writing what I should, but thus is the life of a college student who cannot concentrate.

I think I'm going to go ahead and knock out the harder paper tonight and leave the easy one for the morning. Here I go....

What I'm listening to as I write.... (a lot on the docket tonight)

Feel That Fire by Dierks Bentley- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSiVIcRZViM

Possibility by Lykke Li- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix4iq7x2C6Y

Where The Spirit of the Lord Is by Chris Tomlin and Chisty Nockels- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNpusaxlDVc

Rockspainangerfrustrationouchwhydoesithurtlikethis!

2011-01-07T12:45:00.001-08:00

Today my head has decided that it would be a really smashing good deal for me to have a headache. It is blah. Period.

I guess I should be used to headaches by now, but it's just hard to be used to them when you would rather carve out your eyes out and bash your head against a door. Pain.

The worst part about my headaches is that I don't get anything out of them. I mean, sometimes pain is there specifically to accomplish something. When I go to the gym and my muscles burn, there is purpose. When my heart breaks over situations and reactions, there is purpose.

It's just hard to see how this pain has a purpose.

I'm sure I could learn if I chose to apply myself in this situation...Make it a real touching Keys for Kids moment. But right now, there is no "pain with a purpose" mantra going through my head. Mostly just pounding.

Feliz navidad.

One time I told Kelsey that "abuela" means grandmother in Russian. She believed me. I love Kelsey.

My love is vengeance

2011-01-06T22:22:00.000-08:00

Tonight I embarked on quite the quest: I want to write a wedding acceptable, happy love song. I semi succeeded. It is a pretty song, and it is about love. Not sure it's happy. But the words are borrowed from Elizabeth Barrett Browning, so it's not like I authored them in a dismal way. There are some parts I really like such as...

"But when a soul, by choice and conscience, doth throw out her full force on another soul, the conscience and concentration both make mere life, love, for life in perfect whole."

I don't often like to think hard on love, but tonight it is simply on my mind.

Perhaps it is the lack of...the retraction of love.

I know I sound depressing and sad and awful when I write out my thoughts about this, but I promise you I'm not. I'm simply reminiscent.

I sound melodramatic, this I know... A sort of modern Frodo Baggins (Does that nerdify me? Probly.) who says things like, "How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold."

So today I won't really speak out my own thoughts about this... I'll let a poet do it for me. A. E. Houseman is much better suited to it than I.

He would not stay for me, and who can wonder?

He would not stay for me to stand and gaze.

I shook his hand, and tore my heart in sunder,

And went with half my life about my ways.

What I'm listening to tonight:

My Boots by Lights- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiLHe3mkJf0

Behind Blue Eyes by The Who- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfuWXRZe9yA

I know I'll be okay

2011-01-03T20:34:00.000-08:00

Well, it's back to reality tomorrow.

Break has been really good. Really reflective.

I've had words with myself, and hopefully that will be enough.

I think I'm ready to go back.

I think I don't fear unexpected sorrow so much.

I know sorrow. But I also know joy.

And I expect joy.

Give these a listen:

Still, My Soul, Be Still by Kristyn & Keith Getty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsXMiysZfNQ

Brand New Day by Joshua Radin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYqRfQ5G4as